Half my life...

I have been visually impaired for exactly half of my life on Tuesday, September 28, 2010 (thanks to http://www.timeanddate.com/ for the calculations). I was 15 years, 11 months, 4 days or 5817 days old on Tuesday, October 25, 1994, the day I first detected something wrong with my vision. Initially, I just saw some floaters, little specks that moved around. I didn't think too much of it. I was at football practice and maybe I just got some dirt in my eye. It was more distracting and annoying than restrictive, so I didn't think much of it. I don't remember seeing them as much during the school the next day, but they were definitely there during football practice again. Too, there were spots where I couldn’t see and my vision was becoming blurry. I talked to the athletic trainer (who was also an assistant coach), and he recommended some Visine, thinking, as I did the day before, that I'd just gotten some dirt or something in my eyes.

I didn’t think too much of it, expecting it to be gone by morning. School was out Thursday and Friday, but I still had to go to practice. The spots got bigger and and the blurring started getting worse and I began to worry. I told my mom that maybe something was wrong and that I wanted to go to the doctor. We had neither medical insurance, a car, nor enough money to pay the hospital bill, so she told me to wait a few days and see what happened. "Maybe it will go away," she said. I was worried and really wanted to go, but I decided not to push it--yet. We rented some videos that night, and that’s when I got scared. I couldn’t see what was on the television screen--the blind spots were in the way. I had to focus on the corner of the screen to see the middle of it.

We had a game that Friday night, the second round of the Indiana High School playoffs. It was the first time my school had made it past the first round in long while. We were pumped. We knew most of the guys on the other team because the majority of them were bused out of our school district. Our starting quarterback had been banged up for the latter half of the season and got hurt early in the second half. The back-up was absolutely hammered on his first play and was slow to get up. Due to injury, I had been the second string QB for most of the season, but I was third for this game. I was accustomed to being ready to go in, but I feared that if I were to play, I would not be able to perform. I was a quarterback and I wouldn’t have been able to see the receivers, and we needed to throw. Fortunately, I did not have to play. We were cheated by the officials and lost the game, but that’s another story.

I got more and more panicked as my vision deteriorated. I argued with my mom that I needed to go to the hospital. She finally took me just to shut me up. My aunt lived a couple blocks away, so she borrowed her car. Why couldn't she have done this before?! I was told on Saturday that I only had an infection and was given some eyedrops. He made an appointment for Monday with a specialist just to make sure. We went to that consultation on Monday, Halloween, and literally ten different doctors from maybe 6 different countries were called in to look at me. I had no clue as to what was going on. I was eventually told that they thought I had macular serpiginous chorioretinitis (basically, scars on my retinas), but to go see another specialist at the hospital next door. I asked if I was going blind and the doctor said that he didn’t know for sure, so maybe yes. I started crying. I was scared to death.

The next set of doctors confirmed the diagnosis after some further testing and prescribed some prednisone to stop the scarring. They didn’t know if it would work, and if it had not, there was only one other medicine to try. I was even more fearful now. It's a rare condition, especially for my age, and they don't know much about it. There's no known cause and no way to predict if or how much or when it will get worse. It won't get better. I took the medicine for a month and it apparently worked. The active scarring stopped, anyway, and that was the goal. That was good, but damage was already done.

We didn't have a phone, but my grandma lived close by, and we gave her number to the school. One of my teachers left a message for me to call him back on Thursday, wondering why I'd missed 4 days of classes. I explained the situation, and he convinced me to come back to school on Friday. I remember not wanting to be there, on the verge of tears the whole day, not sure what to tell people. My friends and teachers were all nice and supportive, but they had no words, either, other than the standard "hang in there." I probably watched football and slept most of the weekend. I made it back to school on Monday, but it was hard being there, adjusting to a sudden loss of vision, unable to concentrate, not wanting to break down in front of everyone. I missed the rest of the week. The following Monday, I started going to school regularly again.

I turned 16 a couple weeks later. I don't even remember that birthday, but I do know that it was not sweet. Most of us think about getting our driver's licenses and all of the normal teenage stuff. All I could do was wonder if I'd go completely blind. Most of my birthdays were either unremarkable or ruined somehow, but this one especially so.

Before my eyes messed up on me, things were going fairly well. School was good. I enjoyed my classes, was learning a lot, and I was getting good grades, as usual. I liked my prospects playing sports. I was doing alright socially. There wasn't a particular girl I liked, but I was content with that situation and open to possibilities. Things at home were relatively stable. We were still poor, but we were getting by. The heat and lights and water were on. I was happy, for the most part, and looking forward to life. I was confident in myself. I liked who I was and was more comfortable with myself than I ever had been.

Then BOOM! I can't see. Everything is in disarray. How will this affect school? And sports? Friends? Why did I have to argue for 3 days to go to the doctor? Why wouldn't my mom accommodate me after? How hard is it to turn on the end table lamp instead of the overhead light? Would any girl ever want me? I wasn't all that lucky in the romance department when I didn't have anything physically wrong with me, and now I'm going blind. Who would want to deal with that? Will I be able to drive? How am I going to get out of here? Is it going to get worse? If so when? What am I going to do then? Who's going to take care of me? How long before I can take care of myself? What about school then? College? What did I do wrong, why is this happening to me?

I figured out the light sensitivity pretty quickly, though it took awhile to figure out what to do about it. Glare bothers me quite a bit, especially from overhead. I had to carry around a note from my doctor so I could where my hat at school. That was a pain, showing it to teachers I didn't know. I experimented with several different kinds of glasses. I was already a little a nearsighted, and had some spectacles for that. I tried different shades of clip on accessories, dark for outside, yellow for inside to reduce glare. I got new, transition lens bifocals, hoping that magnification would help me see when reading. It took a couple days to get used to those and I almost fell down the stairs a few times. None of those ended up working and I ended up settling on sunglasses most of the time. The hat turned into a visor at the end of HS. The brim is wider, and it leaves my head open, keeping it cooler.

The biggest issues are with reading. The print has to be big enough or the blind spots make it impossible to see. Since my eyes have to work harder, they tire more quickly and once they're done, they're done for awhile. The weather affects them--they don't do well in the dry cold. Lack of sleep hurts, and I've never slept well. The more I'd use my eyes (mainly reading), the worse they'd feel. There's an accumulation effect. It was harder to see the chalk board in class. We ended up getting worksheets and assignments blown up into larger print. My books were copied to be made larger. I was given extensions to complete assignments. All of my teachers were really cool and worked with me. I tried taping lectures and listening to books on tape, but those didn't help. I just fell asleep. It finally came down to "I'll get to it when I can get to it." I was lucky to have the support that I had at school. I was accommodated very well in college, for the most part, too, and I'm appreciative of that.

That's not to say that it was easy. I had always done well in school; it came naturally to me. I never really had to study much, and when I did, I could and did wait until the last minute. I still did well, though. My study habits had to change considerably after all of this. I could no longer do the work when I wanted to do it, rather, I had to do it when I physically feel like it. I had to stop in the middle of assignments, ruining the flow. I'd fall behind because I could’t things when they were assigned. It was rather difficult to function “normally” in class. I was often unable to take notes, forced to rely on my memory a great deal more. My junior year of high school, I did over a semester’s worth of calculus work, some sixty tests and quizzes, in two weeks. I did about the equivalent amount of work for my AP English class senior year. It only got harder in college with more challenging courses.

Macular serpiginous chorioretinitis 
  = scars on retinas = blind spots
*Rare, especially for young age at outset (October, 1994)
*Not much known, nothing new
*Best guess = auto-immune
*Blind spots in different places -> compensation
     -> more work -> strain
*Strain -> discomfort/pain -> stop reading & rest
     -> academic/work issues
*Light 'charges' scars, making them completely prevalent
     in each eye (much like toy glow in the dark stars)
*More light (intensity, frequency, duration)
     -> less/no compensation -> harder work
*Bright flashes (e.g. cameras) are worse short term
     (minutes to hours)
*Long exposure to bright light is worse longer term
     (hours to days)
*Left eye scar is more central, blind spot worse
Right eye got worse
*Was stable since original scarring until July, 2008
*Similar symptoms as 1994
*Scar is now bigger/more central in right eye
*Blind spots overlap more = less compensation
     = more loss of vision
*Still getting used to new spot - seeing flashes
*Stable now - could get worse again whenever

My Retinas (8-19-08)

My eyes are still an issue, but they haven't specifically bugged me much lately. I do have to take breaks from messing around on the computer and from watching TV, but the wooziness usually gets to me before my eyes do. I have to move my eyes/head around a bit to see what I'm looking at, and that motion gets me woozy. My eyes are worse in winter with the cold and lack of moisture. The eye stuff is completely unrelated to the tumor stuff--a separate problem.

The scars had been pretty stable since right after they originally flared up. My right eye got a little worse a couple of summers ago. It was always in the back of my mind that they could get worse, but I suppose I'd become complacent and didn't think too much about that until they did. I wondered if this was it, if I'd completely lose my sight this time. The episode didn't last long and stabilized in the time it took me to get seen by the ophthalmologist. They don't know much more now than they did when I was 15.

Though I'm used to my limitations, it's still scary thinking about the possibility of losing my sight completely. Try to walk down the street with your eyes closed--do not peek--and feel how frightening that is. I do it every once in a while to prepare myself if my condition gets worse. It isn’t easy. The blind spots and impaired vision are always with me. Very often I'll gaze at the alarm clock and think that I forgot to turn it on, but then I get a better angle and realize that the light was just obstructed by the scarring. I'll freak out that I didn't hit the timer button on the VCR (yes, I still use VCRs), but then I'll observe that I just couldn't see that, too. People have to get fairly close to me in order for me to see their faces. Those that I know well are easier to recognize by their gaits and body and clothes. It's hard to read signs in public, or to see the scoreboard at games. Reading things posted on TV is difficult.

I appreciate sight more. I could sit all day and look at the clouds and watch the sun rise and set. I like to see leaves blowing in the trees and falling to the ground. Rain falling is beautiful. Nature is amazing. In most ways, physical beauty isn’t as important nor as impressive, though still admired, only from a new perspective. I love smiles, especially when directed at me, especially when unexpected. Uniqueness is appreciated.

Halloween isn't my favorite holiday. It never was, really. I always found it odd that we were told to stay away from strangers but on one night a year, we could ask them for candy. Being poor, I never had a good costume, either. Being diagnosed with a serious eye condition on that date sealed the deal. I'll still eat the candy, though :). I don't get as depressed as I used to on Halloween. The last couple years, I didn't think about it being an anniversary until after the fact. It'll get me a little this year, I think. It's been half my life...and counting.

My eye stuff has been a big part of the riff between my mom and me. First, I had to argue with her, literally scream and yell, to get her to take me to the doctor. "What? Do you want me to take you to the hospital?" she asked. I guess me saying, "I can't see! I need to go to the hospital!" wasn't clear enough the first thousand times. She still doesn't think she did anything wrong there. It probably wouldn't have saved any of my sight, but still, I WAS FUCKING GOING BLIND!!!! And then she'd make no accommodations whatsoever for me at home. I'd complain, nicely at first, about the light and she'd tell me to wear my hat or glasses. I shouldn't have to wear a hat and sunglasses INSIDE MY OWN HOUSE, especially when it would be very easy just to use alternate lighting. It's bad enough that I have to wear that stuff whenever I'm out of the house, but at home? And she wondered why I spent so much time in my room. 1) I didn't have to wear extra stuff to see, and 2) I didn't have to be around her. This kind of ridiculousness and uncaring has extended to dealing with the tumor stuff, too, but that's for another time.

Wow...now it's been slightly more than half my life I've dealt with this. I've had this longer than I haven't. It'll never go away barring a major medical breakthrough. And it's crazy that something so serious and that dominated so much of my life is now playing second fiddle to something else that's also very rare and even more severe. Even though the wooziness and tumor stuff dictate so much of what I can and can't do, whenever I get too happy or too content, all I have to do is close one eye and look directly at something. It's instantly humbling literally seeing that limitation.

If/when I get better from the tumor and the wooziness, I'll still have my eyes to deal with. Any work I would potentially do would be at the mercy of my eyes. It's been so long that they've been an active problem, it'll take me awhile to re-figure all of that out again. It will still be difficult to get things done on time. Quality will have to be sacrificed just to finish many tasks. I'll still have days when I can't do anything productive. I'll still be handicapped. And I'll still have to worry about my eyes getting worse...without warning...again...

It's been rough and hard and sad and so fucking frustrating. I've always tried to be respectful and caring and empathetic and appreciative, but dealing this has forced me to be so. When you can't do something, when it's physically impossible, when there is no way around it, it's hard not to be humbled. I don't know that I needed humbling. I only accept my limitations as much as I have to. It's still hard to be patient through it all, but I've learned to let go some. Being more aware of how precious and beautiful life and nature can be is nice. I guess that's a silver lining. I would much rather have just had an epiphany: hey, wow, isn't that something?! It is what it is and I'm doing what I do.

Thanks for reading...I'll see you later,
-B

P.S.
Ask me questions, anything, anonymously if you wish at: http://www.formspring.me/visorbrent

What do you think....?

There's not a lot to report for Monday. I messed around online a bit (shocker, I know), chatted some, and crashed. I just wanted to take a nap for a couple/few hours, but ended up sleeping quite awhile. I did get good news, though. It's looking like I'll be going to the ND/Western Michigan football game. A good friend is hooking me up. She rocks! It'll be my first time back to campus since 2002. It's been too long.

I've really enjoyed blogging. I've always liked to write, and I enjoy sharing my life and my experiences, too. I wish I had more interesting things to say on a more regular basis, though, but that's just how it goes, I guess. Hopefully you do get a better sense of what's going on with me by reading this. It's often hard to put into words how I'm feeling (physically) or how it's affecting me, otherwise, but if you can take the whole blog as one entity, as different chapters of the same book, that should give you some insight into my situation and how I'm dealing with it. That's the goal, anyway.

I'm a little disappointed that more people aren't reading. So many friends had suggested that I do this, and that they'd be interested in reading it, but that hasn't been followed through so much. I'm maybe more bummed out that I haven't gotten more feedback from those who do check this out. I'm very grateful for all who do read and comment, but I was really wanting this to be more interactive. I know that I've mostly written about how I'm not feeling great and how I just mess around online, and I don't expect a comment about each little point I make, but I'd still like to know what you all think. Too, I'm not being as serious, sometimes, as I apparently come across. A lot of what I write about is meant to be a bit tongue-in-cheek and self-deprecating. It's OK to laugh. For example, my Old Man Puberty piece was supposed to be funny, and my specific requests for you not to laugh at me were attempts to highlight the humor. I realize that our senses of humor may not completely match up, but please at least keep in mind that even when I'm telling the God's honest truth, I may not be as grim as you might first think.

Is there anything that you want to know about me? Is there any topic you'd like me to write about? Do you have any suggestions about the layout or format of the blog? Do you have any criticisms? What could I do better? What's working? How can I make this more interesting? How do I make this more interactive?

Another way to ask me questions, anonymously if you choose, is to go here: http://www.formspring.me/visorbrent. You don't have to sign up to ask a question, and I'll answer just about anything. There's a tab on my Facebook profile where you can access this, too. Check it out and ask me something :).

The biggest reason I decided to start this blog was to be more connected you guys. You'd get to see more of my day to day life (or lack thereof), plus I'd share my thoughts on this or that. Unfortunately, I've mostly just done recaps of what's been going on and haven't touched much on other topics. I was able to put up the Old Man Puberty post, and I added a poem to another. And not every other post was only explication. Whatever the case, a connection goes both ways, so please help me with that. I'd really appreciate you just letting me know you read it. 'Liking' the link I put on Facebook would be cool for that. Checking either "cool," "interesting," "funny," or "informative" at the bottom works, too. Help me make this more worthy of interaction. What do you want to read about?

Again, thanks to all who do check this out, especially my regular readers. I know I have a few of you out there, and I appreciate it very much.

Hopefully this didn't come across as me whining too much. And I do realize that if you're reading this, most of my pleas don't apply to you. But please do let me know what you'd like to see more/less of and how I can make this better for you. I'll do my very best to integrate your suggestions and I'll surely answer your questions.

Thanks so very much and happy Tuesday!
-B

My weekend: UFC 119, ND/Stanford, Colts/Broncos...

It's been a busy few days for me, and it's taking its toll now, but I'm not complaining. I had a blast doing all of the UFC 119 stuff and it was great being out, making new friends, and hanging with established buddies. I haven't had this much fun and excitement in awhile, and I'm thankful for the opportunities and the company. I missed blogging for the first time since I started yesterday, but here's how my weekend went:

Saturday
I crashed Friday night around midnight, originally just planning on sleeping a couple hours, getting up, blogging, and catching up on stuff online, etc., before showering and going back to bed at my usual time. The back up plan was to sleep until 4AM, take my medicine, and do a condensed version of my original intentions. I ended up sleeping until after 5AM, apparently having turned off my alarm clock instead of snoozing it. I figured I'd blog, catch up on Facebook and Twitter, shower, then go back to bed for a few hours before the ND/Stanford game. I messed around and missed being able to shower before my parents got up, so I had to wait on that for a couple hours. I was feeling surprisingly refreshed, though, so it wasn't a big deal. I decided to cut my hair once the bathroom was free since I was feeling up to it. In the meantime, I caught up on some TV and chatted a bit, which I also did after I was done with my hair and shower. I should have gone back to bed for a couple of hours, but I had some UFC 119 preview shows that I wanted to make sure I caught before the fights later that night. I was still feeling good, so it wasn't a problem.

Shortly after the Notre Dame game started, though, I could feel myself fading. Even with the 5 hours I got the night before, I'd only slept about 10 hours, total, in 3 days. In the past, that wouldn't be much of a problem, but since I've been woozy, and used to being in bed 10+ hours a day, along with not feeling great, the lack of sleep hit me a little extra hard. It didn't help that it was hard to get excited during the game since we played so badly. Stanford is good. We made way too many mistakes and didn't capitalize on theirs. I think those growing pains I mentioned last time will last awhile longer than I'd hoped and expected. We still have the time and the opportunity to make something of this season, and I have confidence that the coaches and players will do all that they can to get on the right track. We're 1-3, and 2 plays away from being 3-1 after playing a pretty tough schedule. Our last 3 opponents are all undefeated and ranked, with Stanford now in the top 10. I'm disappointed in our record, but not with our effort.

After the game, it was time to get ready to go downtown to watch the UFC at Buffalo Wings and Rings. It's a good place to watch the fights. They have tons of TVs and it's the easiest public place to hear what's going on. The food is good, too. My brother was over and came with us. My friend brought a friend and picked up my brother and me and we got to the restaurant at 8PM. The televised fights didn't start until 9PM, but I anticipated a crowded downtown with UFC-related overflow and wanted to make sure we got a table. It ended up not being so packed that early, but it was still cool to be out of the house and with friends. The fights started, and it was go time. While we waited for my other friends to show, my brother knocked over his drink and made a mess. It took some time to get that all cleaned up and dry, but it wasn't that bad, overall. I was distracted by the action on TV, so I was good. My buddy and his girlfriend made it right after the first fight was over, and our party was rounded out when the last of our group made it just as the PPV started at 10PM.

The fights were pretty good with few exceptions. A couple had less action than I would have anticipated, but I'm not one to boo guys who put so much on the line in the cage. The only real snoozer was the main event, which was just weird. Both guys are usually much more aggressive, but they were both just off. It ended specatcularly, though, which lessened the blow of the lack of excitement before. Three of the four local fighters on the card won and looked good doing so. I did well with my predictions, too.

It was a good time! Once the fights started, the adrenaline started pumping and I was wide awake having fun. The caffiene from all of the tea may have contributed some. If nothing else, having to pee every 5 minutes is a good way to be kept awake ;). And I had to be alert while in the restroom to avoid the splashing in the urinal. That is sooooo nasty and you'd think they'd find a better design. Not only does it get on the person using it, but it gets all over the floor, too. I hate using public restrooms, especially at places where they serve alcohol. But I digress.

Two MMA coaches/trainers, Greg Jackson and Mike Winkeljohn, came in to eat. Jackson may be the best trainer out there. He's based in Albuquerque, NM, and has many former, current, and future champions in his stable. I love his philosophy on fighting and admire the way he goes about things. I know less about Winkeljohn, but he's a former champion kickboxer and a great striking coach. He lost an eye not long ago in a freak accident at the gym while training some guys. It's good to see him back at it. Both were super nice. We chatted for a minute about the fights and how good of a time they had in Indy. There was a good little chat about the crowd not always understanding all of the technical aspects of a fight and booing. It was awesome to be called a knowledgeable fight fan by one of the best in the game! I didn't want to bug them for too long since they were there to eat, so I didn't take up too much of their time. They were nice enough to sign for me:

Local firefighter and a winner Saturday night, Chris "Lights Out" Lytle, had his after party at our restaurant. The friends I rode with were staying, but those who met us there left. My brother was tired, so he got a ride with those who didn't stay. Big ups to them for helping me out and giving him a ride! The PPV was over at 1AM, as it always is, so it was just a waiting game until Chris showed up. People kept coming in and it got super packed pretty quickly. John Mellencamp even came, and my friend got her picture with him. I tried to get an autograph, but was told he was going to eat and would be available later. He looked old in person, but was friendly enough, I suppose. Lytle didn't make in until around 2AM. I'd forgotten about the Post Fight Press Conference at first, which is why it took him so long to get there. He was really happy and excited and genuinely grateful for all of the support he got. All of the local fighters got a big pop from the crowd in the arena, but Chris got the biggest cheers of the night. He came into the restaurant smiling and high-fiving everyone as he made his way to the back corner to meet Mellencamp and take some pictures with him and the owner of the establishment. We made it back there to wait for him to come out to get a picture with him.

He was so nice and so gracious with his time. He was more than happy to spend time with his fans and really seemed to enjoy it. He didn't seem to be marked up too badly, either, considering the stand up battle he was in. Before I got his autograph for my brother (not the same bro who came with me), he borrowed my pen to sign a little girl's shirt. He was so sweet with her, which was cute. We talked with him for a minute while he signed for me and then we got the picture. I let the guy behind us, who was nice enough to snap the picture for us, borrow my pen so he could get an autograph, then we made our way out. Mellencamp walked past us and left while we were with Chris, so I missed him.

It was awesome hanging out and getting to meet Chris again. I'd talked to him for a second and gotten his autograph at the Pre Fight Press Conference on Thursday, and he was super nice then, too. I'm still really bummed that I couldn't get tickets, but watching the fights with friends was a great consolation prize :).

Once home, I caught up on Facebook and Twitter. Many of the posts were about the fights. I then checked out post fight interviews and analysis and watched the Post Fight Press Conference. It took me a few hours to get through all of that, and I crashed shortly after. I was pretty loopy by that point, but in a good, happy way :).

Sunday
I slept pretty well Saturday night. I was hoping to make some plans with someone on Sunday, so I got up around 1PM (or else I would have slept until the Colts game at 4PM). I took a shower and ate some cereal, but the longer I was up, the more I realized I wasn't going to be able to do much. I felt pretty good the first 90 minutes or so I was awake, but then it all went downhill. I lay down as I watched the Colts and ended up dozing on and off again. It was more from feeling bad than being tired, though. All of the excitement from the week, the lack of sleep, and the changing weather got to me, I think. The Colts won, so I'll take that.

I wanted to get up for supper, but couldn't. I'd hoped to be able to nap for a couple of hours, then get up and reheat the fod, but that didn't work out, either. I finally got up a bit after 4AM to take my meds after snoozing the alarm for I don't know how long. I've felt OK since then, but still a bit out of it. Since I've been out of bed, I've caught up on some stuff online, eaten, fed the pets, and worked on this. I'll probably mess around online a bit more then head back to bed for a little while. I'll be awake for a bit after an 11 hour or so nap.

I can already tell that I'll be paying for all of the fun I've had recently for awhile, but I'm so happy that I was able to do so much. Even considering how troubling it was after the Pre Fight Press Conference when I almost passed out and needed help to get up and around and home, it was a great, great, great couple of days. Being able to be apart of the UFC hoopla directly and up close and personally, meeting fighters, meeting Dana White, meeting Ariel Helwani, making new friends and just feeling the buzz in the city was such a pleasure. And except for some money spent on food, it was all free, too. I can't wait for them to come back!

Happy Monday,
-B

P.S.
For more on UFC 119, check out: http://navitabjj.blogspot.com/

UFC 119 Weigh Ins...

Friday was really cool. I didn't get much sleep the night before, again, and it took me minute to get up, but I was excited to go to Conseco Fieldhouse for the weigh ins. I called the arena to confirm the schedule, but they had no clue. I decided to trust the UFC's website and figured I'd just wait if I got there too early. Mom dropped me off, then I made my way into the building. At the security checkpoint, I was informed that I couldn't bring my water in with me, but they only saw one of my two bottles in my backpack, so after a couple swigs of the one they saw, I dumped it and made my way inside. I made it up the stairs, which was more difficult than it should have been because I almost tripped and fell a few times, probably from leftover wooziness and fatigue. As soon as I stepped onto the concourse, I saw a guy I met at the Press Conference on Thursday. He was with some buddies in line for autographs from fighters who weren't on the card, and I just stuck with them. The line was hella-long, so I saved myself 90 minutes catching on with them. Aside from just being closer to the front, it was cool talking to them about the fights. They're all good guys. I got some Halo Reach/UFC/Marines dogtags while in line as part of a promotion. I also signed up for a credit card that I know I'm not going to get in order to procure a UFC T-shirt.

We made our way through the line, which took awhile to get going, but moved along quickly enough. I don't mind waiting as long as there's a payoff in the end and that the line progresses at a reasonable pace. I was digging talking with my new friends, too. The fighters who were signing were stationed in Legends. Junior Dos Santos, a Brazilian heavyweight who will fight for the title soon, was up first. He was really nice, and maybe a little shy since he's still learning English. Not that he was small, and he was behind a table, but I thought he'd be a little bigger. He was very personable and seemed happy to be there.

Next up was middleweight (185 lbs.) Alan Belcher. He has the best tattoo in MMA, Johnny Cash's face on his arm. He was a cool dude, too. He detached his retina training not long ago, and is having some issues with that. It's possible he may not fight again, which would be a real shame. He's young, talented, exciting, and a good guy. I told him a bit about my eye troubles and how I could relate to having messed up vision. It was empowering to connect with a world class athlete, a fighter no less, on that level.

Matt Hughes was the last fighter signing. He's a former champion and maybe the best 170 pounder ever, though Georges St. Pierre is nipping at his heals for that title. While I respect his accomplishments, I'm not the biggest Matt Hughes fan, but he was very cordial with me. He's a legend in the sport, and I'm glad I got to meet him.

It was so awesome to meet the fighters, spend a little time with them, and to get their autographs. They all had their pictures at the table, so if you didn't have anything of your own to get signed, you could at least have a nice 8x10 to take home. It was all FREE, too. The UFC knows how to put on a show and treats its fans really well. Big thanks go out to my new buddy for hooking me up with the pictures! That was very gracious of him.

After getting the autographs and talking about how crazy cool it was to be able meet the fighters, we made our way to sit down for the weigh ins. There were a lot of people there, but we had decent seats. There was about an hour to kill before things got started, so we just talked about how great it was that UFC was actually in Indy and how cool it was that they had all of these free events. The weigh ins, themselves, went by quickly. Each fighter made weight and it all went very smoothly. Jeremy Stephens (accidentally?) mooned the crowd as he took his shorts off to get on the scale. Luckily,I missed it since my head was turned talking to the guy next to me ;). His staredown with Melvin Guillard was intense. Most of the other staredowns were rather jovial. Chris Lytle and Matt Serra had fun with theirs. The crowd was great. I didn't think there'd be that many people there, though, but I'm happy Indy showed up. It bodes well for a return from the UFC. There were definitely some boos, but I'm surprised that Serra didn't get more of them since he's fighting the hometown boy in Lytle. Serra's actually a good dude, and he doesn't care about the boos, either. He knows he's in Lytle's backyard. Frank Mir got the most heat from the crowd for some reason, which I didn't understand at all. Maybe they were all just CroCop fans, I don't know. Mir's a good guy who has been very accommodating with his time with the fans, making himself available to sign and chat. You can watch watch the weigh ins here: http://www.ufc.com/media/ufc-119-weigh-in-replay.

It was awesome being able to take part in all of that, especially since I won't be able to go to the fights.The access that the UFC and the fighters give you is a very welcomed surprise. They know who pays their bills and they have a healthy respect for the fans. It's really nice to see and experience. It's very cool how closely knit the fight fan community is, too. Everyone that I've talked to have been very amiable and friendly. I really hope that as the sport gets bigger, that the camaraderie among the fans, fighters, and promoters doesn't change. I fear that it may as more casual fans take notice and as the fighters make more money (which they deserve). I'm enjoying it now, though. It's been really fun taking part in all of the festivities.

There have been tons of UFC related events around town. Radio stations and UFC sponsors have been doing a lot of promotion leading up to the fights. The fighters have been part of many of those, along with just being out in the open in the city. I wish I'd have been able to go to more of those, but not driving or being able to walk around a whole lot put a damper on that. I was able to go to Buffalo Wild Wings downtown Friday night. Bud Light had some trinkets they were giving away, as well as a raffle for 2 tickets to the fights. It was my last hope for tickets, so I made it out. Tequila Cazadores was also there. Both groups were giving away tons of stuff. I got a few shirts, a hat, shot glasses, key chains, magnets, koozies, beads, a mouthpiece and its container, and I got my picture taken with a REAL UFC belt. It sucked a bit that my friends weren't able to meet me, and I didn't win the tickets, but it was still a good time talking to other fight fans and just being in that atmosphere. It's always nice to get out of the house, too, plus, I didn't need a wheelchair today ;). The Tequila Cazadores girls were hot, too, which didn't hurt :P.

The Champ is here!

I can't wait for the fights Saturday night! It's still KILLING me that I can't go, but such is life. Being able to do all of this stuff leading up to fights has helped mitigate my disappointment in not being able to go, but it's also gotten me more excited about it all. I'm still elated that they finally came to my town, that I've had the opportunity to see some of it first hand, and that it's been so well received here. It's great for the city, too, bringing in money and exposure and I can't wait until they come back, hopefully next year. Even though I won't be there live, it will still be a good time watching it at Buffalo Wings and Rings (111 W. Maryland St., 8PM) with friends. :)

GO IRISH! BEAT STANFORD! We have a big test this week with Stanford. I like our chances, but it'll be a tough game. Our offense can play with anyone as long Crist is running the show. The defense just needs to get healthy. The lack of depth because of injury has really hurt us. The biggest problem on D has been tackling, I think, and a lot of that can be contributed to fatigue from lack of substitution. We should really know where we stand after this game. Stanford is legit, so playing well against them and beating them would mean a lot and it would show that we can compete with anyone. If we get dominated, which I don't think will happen, then maybe we have more growing pains to deal with than I thought. It should be a good game. LET'S GO, IRISH!

Extremely excited for a busy Saturday,
-B

UFC 119 Pre Fight Press Conference

WOW! That was awesome!

My friend picked me up, and after taking a few wrong turns, we got to the Murat at noon. The doors didn't open until 12:30PM, so we walked to Starbucks to get her a drink while we waited. Goodness, it was HOT! I was in the sun for 30 seconds and I could feel my skin burning. We walked back, waited in line for a few minutes, then made our way down to room where the shindig was being held. I was surprised there weren't more people there considering it was free, but everyone who came out was really nice. It was cool meeting some other MMA fans. They had the stage and the press section roped off, but we were still very close to everything. They ended up moving us back a little, but we were still very near the podium.

They started a little late. A guy from Conseco and someone from the IN Athletic Commission spoke a bit about bring the UFC to Indy, how it's good for the city, and what a great sport MMA is. They gave UFC president, Dana White, a Pacers jersey, then Dana got things rolling. He went over the card, how excited he was to be in Indy and all that, then opened it up to questions from the media. You can watch it all here: http://www.ufc.com/media/119-pre-presser-archive. Some of the questions were kinda dumb, most likely coming from local reporters who weren't familiar with MMA, but everyone was respectful. If I were Dana or the fighers, I'm not sure I'd have been as diplomatic with my answers to those stupid questions, but that's why they're pros and I'm a fan (one reason, anyway :D). There were some funny moments: Matt Mitrione, a fighter based here, and a former Purude football player, and a training partner of Chris Lytle, asked if Lytle would be on call to put out any potential fires at Conseco (he's a full time firefighter as well as a cagefighter). That whole bit was hilarious as they brought in Lytle's opponent, Matt Serra to help Lytle out with the potential situation. Then Dana made fun of Serra's height (5'6"), saying that he was too short, but could maybe use a ladder. None of the serious answers really surprised me. All the fighters were focused on their current opponents, confident in their skills, respectful of the other's skills, and all that, but it was far from boring. Unfortunately, my friend had to leave to go to work and missed some stuff, but I'm glad she came for as long as she was able.

The Q&A didn't last too long, then the fighters had some brief stare downs. All but CroCop stayed around and signed autographs. I got Lytle, Ryan Bader, Antonio Rogerio Nogueira, Frank Mir, Serra, Mitrione, and Dana to sign for me. I just brought some blank printer paper, and not as much as I thought. It worked out, though. I gave a half-assed effort to play the tumor sympathy card with Dana to maybe get some tickets, but there were people behind me, and my heart wasn't completely into it. He and all of the fighters were all very fan friendly and super nice, taking pictures, shaking hands, and chit-chatting. More about what went on, along with some pics and vids can be found here: http://navitabjj.blogspot.com/2010/09/ufc-press-conference-pics-and-video.html. I also got to talk to MMA reporter extraordinare, Ariel Helwani, who was really cool. He was wearing a suit, along with some really bright, multicolored Nikes. Stylish ;). It sucked that I didn't have a camera, but it was still pretty awesome to at least chat a bit and to get their autographs:

     

It was a really good time, but rather hard on me. I didn't sleep much or well, plus the activity of walking a bit in the heat, then standing for a couple of hours took their toll. After I got Dana's autograph, I sat down for a minute. Then I fell out of the chair, woozy. Dana's assistant/body guard/handler was kind enough to help me back into the chair. I figured I'd sit there for a few minutes, then I'd be able to make my way back upstairs and call my ride. I ended up feeling worse, almost falling out of the chair again several times. After a half hour or so, and when the room was almost completely cleaned up, I had a guy call for help. Everyone was really nice about lending me a hand. A supervisor came down to see what was going on, then had the Murat paramedics come down with a wheelchair. I had to be helped into that. They wheeled me upstairs to the exit and put me on a couch. I called my ride and waited. Not long after, he arrived, they wheeled me to the car, then I made it home. While holding onto my dad, I was able to walk into the house. I sat down for awhile before finally being able to pee. I was holding it for quite awhile, REALLY not wanting to have to get help with that in public. I felt a little better, ate, rested some, and caught up on stuff online. My nephew came over, and I hung out with him, had some dinner, and then ended back up here.

It wasn't very pleasant being that helpless without anyone I knew around to help. Aside from once at the hospital after an X-ray, I'd never been that bad off in public before. Everyone at the Murat was great, but it was extremely frustrating and a tad embarrassing having a guy pick me up off the floor, then another guy picking me up and setting me down in a wheelchair and pushing me around. That's how it goes, I guess. At least it's from actually doing something fun this time, and not just a random bad day. It sucks a little less knowing that I at least had a good time before it all turned to shit.

I'm really hoping to go to bed early-ish tonight. The weigh ins are tomorrow (Friday) at Conseco, and I really want to go to that, too. It's a big deal that the UFC came to town, and it won't happen again for awhile, probably not for another year, at minimum. And since I can't attend the fights (a MAJOR bummer), I want to soak in as much of the activities leading up to the fights as I can. I wish (more than usual) that I were more able-bodied to be downtown to try to meet the fighters and other fans. Too, Dana White will be tweeting where to find some tickets (and maybe other prizes) around town. Follow him, @danawhite, and if you win, hook a brotha up! I'm a pale brotha, but a brotha :P.

I made a reservation at Buffalo Wings and Rings (111 W. Maryland St., next to Steak 'n Shake) for 6 people at 8PM under my name for Saturday night to watch the fights (lots of prepositions there...whoa). The prelims start at 9PM on SPIKE TV, then the PPV from 10PM to 1AM. Apparently, Chris Lytle's after party will be there, too, and the TAPOUT crew will be around in the afternoon. It's going to be hoppin'! If anyone else wants to watch the fights with me, hit me up and I'll add to the reservation. I'll be leaving my house shortly after the ND/Stanford game ends. If I had the money, I'd just go catch the game there, too, and stick around for the fights. It'll still be a good time hanging out, though.

Anyone who wants to go to the weigh ins with me, let me know. I should on get there around noon. And if you want to join us to watch the fights, hit me up, too. C'mon, you know you want to! :)

Let's get it on!

-B

Caught up with some friends...

I didn't get a whole done Wednesday, but I did catch up with some friends I hadn't talked to in awhile. One is an older ND alum who worked with my dad when I was in high school. He learned that I was interested in Notre Dame and he kinda took me under his wing. He's a really good guy who's helped me out a lot. We hadn't talked in awhile, him being busy and me being sick and just spacing it. It was nice catching up, talking about ND football, and just reconnecting a bit. I also spoke with a HS buddy whom I haven't seen since HS. I can't believe it's been 13 years! We just lost touch after school, as it happens, but he recently moved back to Indy and joined Facebook, which is how we found each other again. I'd been looking for him online for awhile, so it was really cool to talk for a minute. Though I hate how easy it is for people to move on, whether it's on purpose or it just happens, I am glad that it's easy to just pick right back up...at least for me.

I'm digging the new Google phone thing. It saves me a trip downstairs and the frustration of the terrible reception I get in my room (and around the house). I do feel a little silly talking into a PC mic and listening to headphones that are connected to my stereo (that's connected to the PC, as I'm sure you figured), but I really enjoy actually being able to hear and be heard on the phone.

I also chatted/talked with a few other friends, and it's always a pleasure to keep up with everyone. I'm really going to miss that if I lose the Internet. I think I may have a temporary solution, so I should hopefully be good for a little while. It depends on whether or not I can withdraw some money I won from a credit union in one of those money-grab bubbles at a Fever game without penalty. They opened a savings account for me with my winnings, but if I take the money out, I'll have to close the account, which is a little disappointing. Too, since the entire cable bill is behind (TV + Internet), if my parents can't come up with enough money to catch up, my contribution won't matter. So here's hoping they can get their shit together enough to do that. I really wish they'd listen to me a little. While we'll probably always be poor and borderline broke, if they'd just do a few simple things, mainly quit wasting food/water/heat/air/electricity/etc. and money, in general, we wouldn't struggle as much. I'm sure I could do better, too, but I do try.

I got my web surfing in and I caught up on a little TV. There are some crazy bitches on Survivor. One chick threw out some snails the others were planning on eating because she deemed them inedible after watching another lady grimace while trying some, so then the others were talking about how weird and wasteful that was. So she got upset, stole a dude's $1600 shoes (why he'd bring those on Survivor, I don't know, but that's beside the point), filled them with sand, and dropped them in the ocean. She apologized after, and everyone seemed OK with that, except for the guy who now has no shoes. I'm with him when he said that she's lucky she's a woman or else he would have popped her...lol. The UFC reality show, The Ultimate Fighter was on, too. I like watching them train, and of course, fight. "Bruce LeRoy," a crazy, but cool Afroed brotha who dresses up like Bruce Lee won his fight. As of now, I'm rooting for him to win. He's a character and a good, albeit young and relatively raw, fighter. He kills that he's smiling the whole time he's in the Octagon while his opponent is trying to knock his head off.

I caught a few new shows, and a couple are very promising, while none were horrible. I try to give at least 3 or 4 episodes before I make a final judgment, though. The time between, and changes made to a show after the pilot is shot are significant. I try to allow them some time to get in a rhythm, usually. Some returning series are back, too, and they all started strong. Modern Family is a really good show. I still have quite a bit of TV that I've 'recorded' and haven't watched yet. I have 10 or so programs that air tonight, too. Luckily I got nothing new on Friday, so I can catch up then, maybe. At least I won't get any more backlogged ;).

I'm planning on going to the UFC Pre-Fight Press Conference at the Murat (it's too weird calling it the Old National Center) this (Thursday) afternoon. A friend is being nice enough to give me a ride and to accompany me. She'll probably have to leave for work before it's over, though, but I'm hoping that my step-dad can pick me up. It'll be worth waiting on him if I have to. Friday, at Conseco Fieldhouse, there'll be an autograph session and the weigh-ins for free. There's also a Q&A session for UFC Fight Club members that I'm going to try to sneak into. Then the fights are on Saturday. It's killing me that I can't go to them, but it looks like I'll be able to watch the PPV with some friends. Saturday will be busy with ND vs. Stanford at 3:30PM, then the televised fights starting at 9PM on SPIKE TV, and the PPV starting at 10PM. My plan is to make a reservation at Buffalo Wings and Rings (111 W. Maryland St.) for 8PM. I'm expecting downtown to be fairly packed with the UFC overflow crowd. Plus there's the possibility of hanging out with another friend on Friday night, and the Colts game (on TV) Sunday afternoon. It's kinda nice to have stuff going on. :)

Have a great Thursday! Let me know if you want to hang out at all for the UFC (or other) stuff!
-B

A little news, and a poem...

I don't have much to report for today. I did get those doctor appointments made. I am, in fact, scheduled to spend most of a day in an MRI machine in the near future. One scan alone is set to take 3 hours. Fun. Other than that, I didn't sleep well or much. I was online a bit. I caught up on some TV. I chatted a lot and had a particularly enjoyable and long couple chats with one person in particular. That was nice, despite the technical difficulties. I used the Google phone service, which works very well. I hope they keep that free. My cat caught a mouse and wouldn't let me take it from her. I held her back while my step-dad disposed of it. I ate BBQ ribs for supper. They were good. I felt a little icky today, probably from yesterday's flu shot, or maybe just because. It wasn't too bad.

I'm not sure how long I'll have an Internet connection, or when I'll be able to get it back should I lose it. It should be on until Saturday, at least. I can't be too upset about losing it since I haven't given my mom any money for it in awhile. I haven't really had it, but she hasn't asked for it, either (and she's not afraid to ask for it). I am a bit miffed at the lack of notice, though. The cable TV is danger, as well, and if it goes, there will be no TV watching here until it's back on. We don't have any converter boxes. Should that happen, I'll run out of stuff to do in a few days. I have some movies I haven't watched yet, and a few things on my computer I've been meaning to get to, but without the Internet or TV, I'm down to very, very few options. It would probably mean lots of Minesweeper and Sudoku for me. Hopefully we can figure something out. It would be awesome if I could get enough ad revenue from this blog to pay for my Internet service. I'm not sure how reasonable that is, and it's not at all feasible for my current situation, but it would be nice.

Since this post was light on details and a bit boring, I figured I'd add a poem I wrote to help even it out. Some of you have seen it (it's in a Facebook note), but I like it and hope you do, too. It's not about anyone in particular, and I wrote it my 4th or 5th year at ND, so around 2001. I was inspired a bit looking across the mall food court in South Bend and seeing a pretty girl, knowing how I was too shy to approach her (or any girl in a similar situation).

Shy
by: Brent Lee Smith

There she is, sitting over there

        Perfect body, lovely smile, long brown hair

Man, would I like to get with her

        Just think of all the good times that could occur

I need to go talk to her, I really should

        I'd really like to, but I don't think I could

You see, I'm the kind of guy

        Who'll love you all my life

                But I probably won't approach you

                        I'm just too shy

Why can't she come over here?

        I just want to have her near

I'd give her all of me if I had the chance

        Our love could be such a beautiful dance

Baby, I see my kids with you as their mother

        I could never ever love any another

Can't you see me looking at you

        Wondering what you'd like to do

I want to come over, tell you I need you

        Provide it all for you, clothe you and feed you

Oh my God, you're getting up

        And you're gonna pass me by

I should say something to you

        But I'm just too shy

Pretty decent day...

I got some stuff done today. I went to the doctor, got some medicine refills, explained the tumor treatment plan situation (I will be getting into that soon on here), and got a flu shot. My arm was sore for a little bit, but it's fine now. It had been a little while since I'd seen this particular doctor, so it was nice to catch up a bit. She's really nice and cool and you can tell that she really cares. She's yelled at me a lot to do (or to stop doing) stuff. She even asked me if I were dating. I told her that I was trying, doing the online thing (more on that another time, too). I talked a little about how dating is hard--I'm sick, broke, poor, don't drive, and live with my parents--and she replied that I don't have to get married. I got the distinct impression that she was telling me that I needed to get laid...lol...and I can't say that I disagree :P. Maybe I should have asked her for a prescription for that to see if works...what do you think? :D

After coming home and eating lunch, I made a few calls. I should get a couple replies tomorrow for appointments for tumor stuff. It sounds like they want a bunch of new MRI scans, so I'll be getting zapped for most of the day (several hours, anyway) if they do it all at once. I usually try to sleep during those, so it's not a big deal. I'm not claustrophobic or anything. That's not to say that I'll enjoy having my head immobilized and being stuck in the machine, but there are worse things.

I did the usual web surfing and some chatting before crashing and taking a nap. My hours have been extra weird the last while, and it's catching up with me. This headache medicine isn't helping with that, but oh well. Just as I fell asleep, I got a call from a case manager of my insurance plan (Healthy Indiana Plan). She was just checking in to make sure my asthma is under control (it is), then we got into the tumor stuff and ridiculousness of how I was treating by the clinic in Phoenix. It was nice to hear the shock in her voice as I explained things. There's nothing she can do about it (that's all on the Phoenix assholes), but she was sympathetic. I then went back to bed until my friend Miss TMI/Miss Incredible Pizza called me around 8PM. I was in the process of getting up, anyway, so she didn't disturb me at all, not even with our conversation ;). It was actually very nice to talk to her and hear how happy she was. I'm glad things are going well for her, she really deserves it!

I heated up the spaghetti my parents made, watched a good Monday Night Football game, and messed around on the web some more as I chatted a bit. Even though it got hard to keep up with everyone when I had 4 conversations going at once, I enjoyed the time with each person. I do feel a little bad that I couldn't give each one my full attention, partially from still being a little tired to go along with 4 open windows, but I prefer that over having no one to talk with. A couple of my chat partners were gals I just met online, so it was nice getting to know them a little.

Despite being so tired and not feeling the best, I'll take days like today. I got some stuff done, made some new friends, and didn't feel like complete crap. And I'm still here to tell you about it, so there's that. Tuesday is looking to be productive, too. I hope to have those medical appointments scheduled, or at least to get updated on their progress. The UFC itinerary for the events leading up to the fights comes out tomorrow, too. I'll be able to see when the weigh-ins are and if there is anything else going on that I'll be able to attend. From what I hear, there is a lot of free stuff that they do, and I'd like to go to as much of that as I can. It's looking like I won't be able to attend the fights, but I'll be watching somewhere, for sure. If anyone wants to hang out Saturday night, let me know.

Have a rockin' Tuesday,
-B

Colts won...

I woke up around noon today, after only a couple hours of sleep. I got up to go to the bathroom, and I knew I wouldn't be able to go back to bed. I was still tired, but I was up. The plan was to get up at 4PM, take my meds, then get ready to tailgate for the Colts game. My buddy got back to me and said he wasn't going because of the weather, though it ended up be alright, so I just watched football, messed around online, had a nice chat with a new friend, and chilled at home. I started to crash around 5PM or so, but I was really enjoying the conversation I was having, then it was time for supper, then there was the game, so I wasn't able to take a nap. I was really tired by the kickoff. I turned my TV around so I could watch from bed, and lay down.

I missed about half of the game, in total, dozing off, waking up, trying to fight to stay awake. Had the game been closer, it would have been easier for me to pay attention and stay conscious, but they Colts were firing on all cylinders and had the game in hand fairly early. I'm still bummed that I didn't see the whole performance, but I'm happy with the win. We're going to be very tough to beat when we play that well.

After the game, I went ahead and slept until 4AM, when I had to take my meds again. I thought about crashing for another hour or two, but figured I might as well stay up. I wanted to read the game summaries to see what I missed, catch up on Facebook and Twitter, and get a couple of things done. I cleaned the filter on my AC unit, trimmed my toenails, and surfed the web. I'll make my TV schedule for the week once I post this. A lot of shows that I watch, plus some new ones that I'll check out, premiere this week. I'm kinda hoping that most of the new ones aren't that good. I already watch too much TV, so adding new shows won't help that. But I don't have much else going on, so whatever.

I have an appointment with my family doctor today. It's weird calling her my family doctor when my family, in this case, just consists of me. It's just a check up, nothing to worry about. I can't even think of anything specific to complain about this time, which is rare. I'll mainly just make sure I'm up to date on medicine refills and let them know what's going on with my specialty doctors. I started taking fish oil recently to help raise my 'good' cholesterol levels since I can't be too active, so we might do a little bloodwork and see if that's helping. Despite it being a doctor's appointment, I like visiting the clinic. The people there are nice and I like the doctors. I wonder if they'll start a new volume of my chart. They're on at least the 2nd now, maybe the the third, and each one is a couple inches thick. I'm a mess, and I have the paperwork to prove it ;).

Happy Monday,
-B

A fake field goal?....

Well, ND lost again. We had our chances. We could have tackled better, especially in the first half. We could have been more careful with the ball. The referees could have done a better job, too, but you can't control what they do. It's disappointing, but I liked our effort. We fought. We just came up one play short...again. I'm very disappointed that we've lost the last 2 games, and I'm not taking any moral victories, either. But there are some positives. It's just easier to point out good things and to deal with the errors after victory.

While still unhappy with losing, I don't think the sky is falling. I think a good foundation is being built. Coach Kelly isn't happy with the losses and he isn't making any excuses, despite the obvious growing pains of taking over a program like ours. I think we have the right guy for the job. He's doing the things the right way and it'll pay off. It's not happening immediately, but we're getting better and we'll contend very soon. I'm not writing this season off at all, we can still turn things around, but I think we should be in the BCS mix next year (especially if guys like Floyd and Rudolph don't declare early). Stanford's going to be tough next week, and there will be a few other tests the rest of the way, but no one scares me.

It's the Manning Bowl Sunday night, Colts vs. Giants. Hopefully the Colts win so that I at least break even this week. They'll have to play better than they did against Houston. I know Peyton doesn't want to lose to his little brother, so we should be alright. It's good that it's a late game for me, too, so I don't have to get up 'early.' I have a feeling I might sleep in a little.

Happy Sunday, GO COLTS!
-B

Incredible...Pizza...

Today was fun. I went to Incredible Pizza with my friend and her daughter. Incredible Pizza is kinda like a huge Chuck E. Cheese, but with a buffet, 1950s theme, and extra attractions like go karts (that were unfortunately out of service today). There are plenty of games for kids and kids at heart. It was really cool spending time with the two gals. It was nice getting to know the kiddo, too. She's a good kid, very smart, and a lot like her mom. I enjoyed seeing her shyness fade away as she got more comfortable with me. I love kids, and am good with them, and it didn't take long before we were friends. :)

The food was pretty good, even though the options were a bit more limited than usual for some reason (so I'm told). I ended up eating a bunch of pizza, which was fine with me. After we ate, we went to play some games. While the little one and I were in a roller coaster simulator thing, my friend won 1000 tickets on a Price Is Right kind of wheel. The roller coaster thing was cool, though the movement got to me a little, and I hit my elbow on the door. I wasn't too much worse for the wear, though, and recovered quickly. It was a nice little bonding experience, too. After collecting the tickets, we went to the shop to get some trinkets. It was a pretty good haul, especially for the money spent. Some the 'prices' are rather ridiculous for the prizes, but that's how it goes. We played a few more games, won some more tickets, then picked out a few more small toys before heading home.

Neither of us adults got much sleep the night before. It just took me longer than I planned to get to bed, then I woke up early and couldn't get back to sleep. My friend was just goofy and stayed up forever for no reason, bugging me to go to bed for a good chunk of that time...lol. After they dropped me off, they made their way home to take naps. I caught up on Facebook and Twitter as I waited to take my medicine. I then brushed my teeth and crashed. I hoped to get up for dinner, but that didn't happen. I ended up sleeping until after 11PM. I got up, heated up supper, did my daily websurfing, and chatted a bit. I'll chat some more, then watch some TV before heading off to bed whenever. ND doesn't play until 8PM, so I don't have to worry about getting up 'early.'

It was really nice hanging out. I had a blast. It's always good to get out of the house, plus I don't get to actually see my friend in person that much, though we talk (usually over IM) just about every day. I loved getting to know her daughter better, too. She's a trip. As they were both making their way to the bathroom, she asked me if I'd be OK watching myself. I'm 31, she's 4. That was hilarious. I managed not to get lost or hurt myself while they were gone, so I did alright ;). It was also fun to see the mother-daughter interaction in person. I mostly hear about those things after the fact, and it's cute how they play off of each other.

ND vs. Michigan St., Saturday, 8PM, ABC/ESPN2. It should be a good game, but one that we should win. We just have to keep our QB healthy, execute, and tackle well. MSU has some good running backs, and we can't let them get off like Michigan's QB did last week. I expect us to come out focused and hungry after a loss. It is our first road game, and a night game, too, so those will be factors. MSU isn't the classiest place, or the most hospitable. When I was still in school, some friends of mine drove up to East Lansing for the game, and official security guards/stadium parking attendants (not just random people on the street) intentionally gave them bogus directions to park and whatnot. The fans are worse. I think the team will be prepared, though, but I wouldn't be surprised by a slow start. GO IRISH!!!

Happy Saturday and GO ND!!
-B

Today was a good day...

I felt a lot better today. I'm still not yet back to normal, but I can handle feeling like this, especially as compared to the last while. My sis-in-law brought 2 of my little ones over, and it was awesome seeing them. They're both silly, and I love it. I even got to throw my 4.5 year old nephew around a little (he likes it). It's always nice just getting to see them, but getting to play around a little really made my week :). I'm so happy they came over and that I could interact with them. It was extra-satisfying since I didn't get to see much of them the last time they were over. There's nothing I enjoy more than spending time with my little ones.

I also did my usual websurfing and watching a bit of TV. I'm watching the Bellator fights (on tape) as I'm writing this. It's been entertaining so far, and I always respect anyone who's willing to step into the cage, even if the fights aren't super-exciting. The UFC comes to Indy next weekend, and I'm really hoping to take part in the related activities, even if I'm not able to be in the arena for the actual event. I'd have to be pretty close to the Octagon really see what's going on, but I'd be happy being in the nose bleed seats just to feel the energy in the building. I can always catch the fights later on TV or something to find out what I missed. It'll be good for the city, too, bringing in some business.

I also did a lot of chatting today. I caught up with some folks I already know, which I enjoy, even if one keeps telling me things I don't want to know (inside joke) ;). Too, I met a couple of nice gals online recently, a couple today, and it was lovely getting to know them a little better. It'll be nice to keep in touch with them and see how things go. If nothing else, I've made some new friends, and that's always a good thing.

I'd like to write more like I did in yesterday's post, and that's been the plan all along, actually. I just have to feel good enough to do it. Suggestions for topics are welcomed and would help. If I have something in mind, it's easier to crank out a few paragraphs. I do have a couple of subjects I'm thinking about touching on, so hopefully you'll be seeing them soon. By the way, despite my pleas not to laugh at me, that was meant to be tongue in cheek and the whole thing was supposed to be funny. It's still all true, but I did set out to be humorous. For those that commented (thanks for the feedback!), I either failed miserably with my attempts at humor, or you read way too much into my feigning seriousness. It's cool, though, at least you read it and let me know. I do appreciate it!

Well, I'm up later than I should be. The plan is to meet Miss TMI (from a few paragraphs ago) and her daughter for lunch. It'll be very nice to hang out with them. I've met her daughter before, but only briefly, so this will be the first time I get to really spend time with her. It will be a good time, and, of course, getting out of the house won't hurt things, either.

Happy Friday, have fun, be safe, love and be loved,
-B

Old Man Puberty

I didn't have much going on today, but I do feel better (though not quite good). There was a UFC fight card on SPIKE TV with some good action, leading into their reality show, which also had some entertaining bouts. Survivor's new season premiered. Jimmy Johnson, former Hurricanes/Cowboys/Dolphins coach and current FOX Sports personality is a contestant. It's old folks versus young'uns this time...so far so good. I mainly just watched TV and messed around online a bit, as usual, as well as chatting a bit. That's pretty much it for my day, and since I'm feeling halfway decent, I figured I'd write about something...

OLD MAN PUBERTY 

As you age, your body changes. As a kid, you get bigger, hairier, stinkier, etc. Girls have some extra stuff to deal with. Then, once you get a bit older, things kinda level out a bit until eventually your body starts to break down. That's all normal and expected. What no one ever told me about was an old man puberty period thrown in there, too. What the hell is that all about? That's exactly my question, too.

It's been about 5 or 6 years now (wow...it started earlier than I thought), so I was 25 or 26. My nose kept itching on the inside, non-stop. I have allergy and sinus issues, so it had to be that, I assumed, but my nose wasn't running. Did I somehow get something stuck in there? Some tissue, perhaps? OMG, it can't be bugs that are bothering me, can it? Nope, my nose hair was growing. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!?! I was in my mid-twenties! It'd been maybe 2 years since my body would actually put on muscle mass and not just tone from lifting weights (pre-wooziness). I'd just finally filled out a bit. You can't be serious! Luckily, it's just an internal issue, the hair isn't climbing out of my nostrils, but it is SOOOOO very annoying. And it grows back so fast.

I won some credit for laser hair removal after doing some online survey or something, and I immediately asked about zapping my nose hair. Even if the promotion only covered one treatment, it could only help. Sadly, the place doesn't do nostrils and I just let it expire. I would like to get the back of my neck done, though, because it's growing faster now, too. I'm not a very hairy guy, though hair does grow on more than just my head. I do not have a built in sweater or anything...lol...but I am a man.

And the hair thing works both ways. I've started to lose a bit on top. At first, I wondered why there were a few stray hairs under my hairline. Am I spontaneously growing hair on my forehead? What's that all about? Ah, but wait, those aren't new, they're leftover, dummy. My hairline is receding, little by little. I also got a bit of a horseshoe deal going in the front. I keep my hair short, so it's hard to see, especially when I'm out and have the visor on, but I notice it. It took me longer than usual to cut my hair last time because I was too woozy, so it grew longer than I normally let it go. Man, did I notice it then. It's not the biggest deal to me, but it's not something I expected to happen. Male pattern baldness isn't super-prevalent in my family.

So I'm losing hair on top and it's being replaced in my nose. I guess that's where it's gone. Ugh. If it starts growing in my ears, I don't know what I'll do. I'm serious. My ears are sensitive already. I don't even want to think about that. But not only is where my hair is growing/stopped growing an issue, it's also changing color. This, I expected, though. People go grey early in family. I noticed the first couple grey hairs around my temples when I was 23 or so. That was earlier than I'd thought it set in, but, no worries, I keep it short. Plus, I don't really care about the grey so much. But a couple hairs turned into couple more, and a couple more, and...you know how this goes. It's easy to see now after a week's growth. I can deal with that. But I swear sometimes I see random grey hairs on my face. I'm too young to have salt and pepper facial hair. I may just have to start shaving more often, or swallow my pride and...gulp...get some Just for Men. It hurts just to write that, oh so much more than I can express here. I try not to look too hard at hair in certain other places. I'm really not ready for grey hair there.

So there's the hair part of this old man puberty. And that's bad enough. But that's not where it ends. I smell different. My funk is funkier and comes on more quickly and lasts longer. And it's it more places. Now, I assure you that I am a clean person. I wash. Thoroughly. And daily unless I'm afraid I'm going to fall in the shower. I wear clean clothes--underwear, especially. This isn't lazy, dirty funk. This is old man puberty funk. This is instead of needing-to-start-wearing-deordorant-when-you're-11 funk, it's putting-baby-powder-on-your-body funk. It's ask-your-doctor-why-the-hell-things-that-didn't-get-so-funky-before-are-getting-funky funk. It's let-me-make-sure-I'm-clean-before-you-do-something-dirty-to-me (wow, I'm really writing this...Lord help me) potential funk. Certain areas have a different tint to them, too. I must be the same thing causing this that's responsible for this new funk. This ain't cool at all. Funk you if you think this is funny!

Oh, and I ache. And I bruise more easily. I don't know how much of it from the wear and tear of being an active kid and a contact sport athlete. If I'm in the wrong position for too long, or even the same position for too long, my back and my knees and my neck start to kill me. I have to pop my knuckles every 10 minutes or so, and not because I enjoy it. If rain's coming, or just if it's humid, I feel it--same with the cold. Something pops whenever I stand up--my knee, my elbow, my shoulder, my neck, my chest, my back. I have watch my posture when I'm seated. Did I really beat myself up this bad growing up? Am I really this fragile? I'm not quite 32 yet, what's it going to be like when I'm 60, or 50, or even 40? What about 33? Now I know why people didn't live that long back in the day. It wasn't just that medicine wasn't available, they were just sick of this shit! ;)

I expected my body to change a bit as I got older, but not this soon and not quite like this. How long does this old man puberty last, and what comes next? Adolescent puberty was long and painful and awkward enough. I haven't been comfortable with my body for that long, and now I got this new crap to deal with? And again, why wasn't I told about this? I can't be the only one. I'D BETTER NOT BE THE ONLY ONE!!!! My body already has enough weird stuff going on inside. Wait a minute, is this part of it? Nah...couldn't be.

Don't laugh at me, I'm suffering enough,
-B

P.S.
For the record, my, uh, plumbing works just fine, so no need for little blue pills. :P

Blah...again...still...blah...

I guess I felt a little better today, but "better" is definitely a relative term. I did get up at a decent hour (for me), 4PM, when I took my medicine. It seems all that sleep the last couple days caught up with me. I didn't really do much, though...the same ol' messing around on the computer, half paying attention as I skimmed through my usual sites. I watched a little TV, caught up on some MMA stuff, and I did a little chatting, too. I didn't have much to say, though, really. I feel bad for those on the other end for how boring I must have been.

I was really hoping to have a featured topic (not sure what) for today since I didn't have much to write about as far as my actual activity. Let's call it building suspense for when that finally happens...lol. I'm not sure what's worse, feeling like crap and doing nothing all the time or getting used to it and accepting it like I've had to. Blah, blah, blah....

My sis-in-law is supposed to bring 2 of my little ones over for dinner tomorrow or the next day. I think it's Thursday night because my niece has soccer practice Wednesday. I'm looking forward seeing the kids. Hopefully I feel better and get to spend some time with them or at least not freak my niece out again. I don't want to be a zombie to her again ;).

Well, that's all for now...TTFN

-B

Not so good...

I feel horrible. I'm really not sure how I'm writing this. Blah....

I don't have full control over my fingers. Earlier, I was getting the cat and dogs some water when I just dropped the bowl, spilling it everywhere. My hand just decided to let go, independent of my mind. It's amazing how much floor space 40 ounces or so of water can cover, especially when it's hard to bend over to clean it up. This is a new thing, I think, or at least it's not common. It's weird and hard to describe. Usually, I'm on my way to zombie-land when I can't control my body, and while I'm fairly out of it, I was relatively OK when messing with the water. I don't know...

I napped yesterday evening, so I wasn't tired at the 'usual' time of 7AM or thereabouts. I was too woozy to shower, so I figured I'd eat a little, then wait until my parents were done in the bathroom to see how I felt to try to clean up. It would've been too tricky to get in the tub, so I just washed up from the sink and went to bed around 10:30AM. I got up for my meds at 4PM, then went back to sleep, planning on getting up for dinner. Nope. I was too dizzy to get up until after 10PM. You can only sleep so much, plus I was hungry.

Not that anyone would enjoy it, but I REALLY hate feeling like this. It sucks extra that there's nothing I can do about it except to lie down, which I already did for 12 hours today. And as frustrating as it is that my body is failing me, my mind is fuzzy, too. I can't remember much, I have to think really hard about simple things, and I'm confused a lot. I often feel maybe 10% as smart of what I was before. *SIGH*

Hopefully your day was better and tomorrow will be super for us all.

-B

And the Colts lost, too...

It was not a good football weekend for me. ND lost yesterday, then the Colts today. The Colts just played sloppily, missing tackles, dropping passes, not blocking well, etc. It's just the first game, so I'm not too worried. They do need to protect Peyton a lot better, though, and I'm sure he'll have some 'suggestions' for the guys to do that. I'm more upset by my alma mater losing, naturally, but it's a long season that's just underway for both teams. I'm still a fan :).

My dad ended up not coming. I guess he didn't feel any better today. I didn't feel great, either. I stumbled as I was walking into the bathroom, catching myself in the doorway. I punched the door out of frustration, harder than I intended and harder than thought I could in that state. I almost put a dent in it, which isn't that impressive with how thin it is. I'm very glad I didn't, though, since that would not have been good. I'd have been very rightfully chewed out about that by mom (but for longer than would be warranted, probably). It just sucks to be in this haze so much of the time, and going from feeling relatively OK to very much not OK so quickly. I wasn't even doing anything, really--just up and about in the house, watching football, getting a snack, going to the bathroom, etc. Enh...c'est ma vie, malheureusement.

I was able to get a couple things done, though. I did some laundry. I also got a little PC maintenance done, re-encoding some mp3 files to free up some hard drive space. I still have tons more of that to do, but I'm happy with the progress I made today. I haven't gotten around to figuring out my cards' value or doing any of that, which has been rather disappointing to me. I keep planning to catalogue and organize them, then look for ways to see what they're worth, but then I get distracted and/or don't feel good. I'll get to it, eventually...or else I won't...lol

That's it for now. Thanks again for reading :). I don't have many plans this week, so, hopefully, if I'm not feeling too out of it, I can write about some topics that aren't specific to my day. I have a few ideas, but any suggestions are welcomed and encouraged. What do you want to know?

Happy Monday,
-B

ND lost...

Well, we came up short against Michigan today. Their QB is a beast, but I think we could have tackled a little better and we'd have been fine. Had Crist (ND QB) not missed all that time in the first half, maybe things would have worked out differently, but he did, and it happened how it happened. I liked Coach Kelly's comments afterwards, not throwing the backups under the bus, saying that he could have prepared them better. I thought we fought hard, but just made one less play than they did. It just really, really sucks losing to Michigan, though. Ugh... We'll get better.

My dad ended up not making up today. He didn't feel good, which I understand. He has some health problems, too, and I was surprised he was even going to try to get up here. That couple hour drive can't be comfortable. I guess he's going to try to come up here Sunday, so we'll see. It'd be nice to hang out for a bit, watch the Colts or whatever, but I'd rather he not make himself feel worse.

I crashed not long after the ND game. I didn't really sleep much at all last night, despite taking medicine to help with that. I got maybe 2.5 hours before waking up. I completed my nap around 12:30AM, messed around online, caught up on some MMA videos (news/recaps/fights)...nothing too exciting. Once I'm done posting this, I'll hop in the shower, then off to bed. Hopefully my nap won't ruin my going back to sleep.

Happy Sunday! GO COLTS!
-B