Saying, "Good-bye," is hard to do...

I ate too many cookies and I'm crying. Those are unrelated events, really, outside of their shared relationship with me. This isn't about cookies, anyway, which, in fairness, were delicious, I just shouldn't have eaten so many.

I'm crying because I just watched the finale of The Office. I can be overly sentimental about such matters, but this touches me a little more deeply than usual. It's a good show, but I wouldn't say it's my favorite. It is, however, somewhat perfectly what it is, though, silly stories about finding joy and humor and love in ordinary things. It's a show that I've watched from the beginning, too, so I'm a little more invested in it. Watching something run its course from start to end has a certain significance, at least for me.

I liked how they wrapped it up. It was well done and satisfying, a fitting farewell. There was an appropriate amount of closure without being overly indulgent. There's still the sense that the characters live on in some reality, but that they've moved on with their lives and this chapter that's been shared with us is over. It helped that the characters acknowledged this in a very natural way. It was time.

What really strikes a chord with me, and it happens with other things, too, is that I have so little going on in my life that I can (and do) put myself in the world of a TV show. It's a real part of my life, in this case, half an hour at a time over 8 years, 9 seasons, and 201 episodes, every single one of which I've experienced. I felt a part of something, uncommon for me in real life, but now it's over and I'm sad. I'm sad that I won't have this specific distraction from my life, something that made me smile and laugh and feel a little. I'm sad that I have such a void that's so easily filled by a television show. I'm sad that I don't feel good at all while writing this, times like these a big reason why TV has become so important to me. I'm sad because it's not likely to change anytime soon, and now I'm short a proven escape.

I wish my relationships with people were as strong and as trustworthy and as reliable, but, well, they're not, by and large. The more I think about it, the more similarities I see, though, with most of the attachment and significance being on my end. At least with television, it's more of a given--there aren't the same expectations of reciprocation. People are so much more disappointing that way.

So I'm sad...and I cried...over a TV show. At least there was a sort of good-bye and a bit of closure in that sense. Plus, I can watch the re-runs anytime I want. You can't do that with people, and if you could, why wouldn't you just make new memories instead?

If you're reading this and if you know and care about me at all, let's make some new memories. Not everything has to be some blockbuster episode, just a normal day at The Office, if you will, would be more than fine for me. I'm rarely busy, so most any time slot that works for you will probably work for me--just don't pre-empt me, please. I'd appreciate it if you don't post-empt me, either (whatever that means). And if you've stumbled upon this somehow and don't know me from an extra in the show, go make new memories with people important to you. As much as I enjoy TV, I'd be much happier if I didn't have time to watch it.

Auditions for co-stars in life are open, name your place and time.

Colts lost...doc today...

Well, the Colts lost yesterday. Tackling was a big issue. So was ball security. Then the Jaguars kicker hits a 59 yard FG to win it. I'm not overly worried about the season, but being 0-2 in the division isn't ideal. We'll be alright, I think.

I saw my ENT doc today. It was just a follow-up to check on some swollen lymph nodes. They were biopsied last time, and everything was fine, but they're still a bit enlarged. They doctor isn't worried about them, so neither am I. If anything fishy is going on, it should show up on the MRI I'm having done on Friday for the tumor stuff. We're not expecting anything, but they could go in and remove the nodes if something looks too crazy on the scans. No biggie. This appointment was timed well, too, because of the extra congestion and nose bleeds I'm dealing with. He told me to just use some Bacitracin ointment to help heal up things and I should be fine. We discussed some different nasal sprays to help with the congestion and drainage, but they all dry me out pretty badly, so we'll stick with the status quo there. Too, depending on how it may affect tumor treatment, I'll probably have my deviated septum fixed soon. My nose is pretty jacked up. It's a fairly simple outpatient procedure. The hope is that it'll help with my breathing. It's especially difficult when I'm in bed. I'm happy with how the appointment went.

My sleep is still way off. I'm tired all the time. And the headaches are getting a little worse, but I can't handle taking that medicine twice a day. I don't know if the last couple weeks are still catching up with me or what. It's not like I have a lot to do and my work is being affected or anything, but it is annoying that I'm always so tired. I do have a few things that I could do (and want to do) to be productive. Plus, I already feel bad enough with the wooziness. Enh...I don't know. I just cleaned my humidifier and have it running now. Hopefully that'll help.

That's it for now. I think I'm going to try to catch up on some TV tonight. If I'm feeling OK, I'm hoping to post again later on, more of a stand alone piece about a yet-to-be-determined topic. If there's anything you want to know or if there's any particular subject you'd like to hear my take on, let me know and I'll see what I can do.

-B

Caught up with some friends...

I didn't get a whole done Wednesday, but I did catch up with some friends I hadn't talked to in awhile. One is an older ND alum who worked with my dad when I was in high school. He learned that I was interested in Notre Dame and he kinda took me under his wing. He's a really good guy who's helped me out a lot. We hadn't talked in awhile, him being busy and me being sick and just spacing it. It was nice catching up, talking about ND football, and just reconnecting a bit. I also spoke with a HS buddy whom I haven't seen since HS. I can't believe it's been 13 years! We just lost touch after school, as it happens, but he recently moved back to Indy and joined Facebook, which is how we found each other again. I'd been looking for him online for awhile, so it was really cool to talk for a minute. Though I hate how easy it is for people to move on, whether it's on purpose or it just happens, I am glad that it's easy to just pick right back up...at least for me.

I'm digging the new Google phone thing. It saves me a trip downstairs and the frustration of the terrible reception I get in my room (and around the house). I do feel a little silly talking into a PC mic and listening to headphones that are connected to my stereo (that's connected to the PC, as I'm sure you figured), but I really enjoy actually being able to hear and be heard on the phone.

I also chatted/talked with a few other friends, and it's always a pleasure to keep up with everyone. I'm really going to miss that if I lose the Internet. I think I may have a temporary solution, so I should hopefully be good for a little while. It depends on whether or not I can withdraw some money I won from a credit union in one of those money-grab bubbles at a Fever game without penalty. They opened a savings account for me with my winnings, but if I take the money out, I'll have to close the account, which is a little disappointing. Too, since the entire cable bill is behind (TV + Internet), if my parents can't come up with enough money to catch up, my contribution won't matter. So here's hoping they can get their shit together enough to do that. I really wish they'd listen to me a little. While we'll probably always be poor and borderline broke, if they'd just do a few simple things, mainly quit wasting food/water/heat/air/electricity/etc. and money, in general, we wouldn't struggle as much. I'm sure I could do better, too, but I do try.

I got my web surfing in and I caught up on a little TV. There are some crazy bitches on Survivor. One chick threw out some snails the others were planning on eating because she deemed them inedible after watching another lady grimace while trying some, so then the others were talking about how weird and wasteful that was. So she got upset, stole a dude's $1600 shoes (why he'd bring those on Survivor, I don't know, but that's beside the point), filled them with sand, and dropped them in the ocean. She apologized after, and everyone seemed OK with that, except for the guy who now has no shoes. I'm with him when he said that she's lucky she's a woman or else he would have popped her...lol. The UFC reality show, The Ultimate Fighter was on, too. I like watching them train, and of course, fight. "Bruce LeRoy," a crazy, but cool Afroed brotha who dresses up like Bruce Lee won his fight. As of now, I'm rooting for him to win. He's a character and a good, albeit young and relatively raw, fighter. He kills that he's smiling the whole time he's in the Octagon while his opponent is trying to knock his head off.

I caught a few new shows, and a couple are very promising, while none were horrible. I try to give at least 3 or 4 episodes before I make a final judgment, though. The time between, and changes made to a show after the pilot is shot are significant. I try to allow them some time to get in a rhythm, usually. Some returning series are back, too, and they all started strong. Modern Family is a really good show. I still have quite a bit of TV that I've 'recorded' and haven't watched yet. I have 10 or so programs that air tonight, too. Luckily I got nothing new on Friday, so I can catch up then, maybe. At least I won't get any more backlogged ;).

I'm planning on going to the UFC Pre-Fight Press Conference at the Murat (it's too weird calling it the Old National Center) this (Thursday) afternoon. A friend is being nice enough to give me a ride and to accompany me. She'll probably have to leave for work before it's over, though, but I'm hoping that my step-dad can pick me up. It'll be worth waiting on him if I have to. Friday, at Conseco Fieldhouse, there'll be an autograph session and the weigh-ins for free. There's also a Q&A session for UFC Fight Club members that I'm going to try to sneak into. Then the fights are on Saturday. It's killing me that I can't go to them, but it looks like I'll be able to watch the PPV with some friends. Saturday will be busy with ND vs. Stanford at 3:30PM, then the televised fights starting at 9PM on SPIKE TV, and the PPV starting at 10PM. My plan is to make a reservation at Buffalo Wings and Rings (111 W. Maryland St.) for 8PM. I'm expecting downtown to be fairly packed with the UFC overflow crowd. Plus there's the possibility of hanging out with another friend on Friday night, and the Colts game (on TV) Sunday afternoon. It's kinda nice to have stuff going on. :)

Have a great Thursday! Let me know if you want to hang out at all for the UFC (or other) stuff!
-B