Remembering...

Words Can't Describe

written 9-17-01

And words cannot describe the way I feel
     I think to myself, "This can't be real"
And yet I wake up every day
     And it wasn't just a dream
Things are worse than they seem,
     But better, too, if you look
People from all over have come together
     In the names of the lives that they took

And tomorrow will come
     And the next day, too
We must be strong, we must go on
     And do the things we do
We must all respect and love
     And learn from this mess
We have to take all that we can from this,
     We must pass this test
We mustn't do what's been done
     We have to be better, we must be strong
It has to come to a close, we must end it all now
     War's no good, peace is needed
Find a way somehow
     To love everyone, despite what they do
Show compassion for your enemies
     Even if they don't do the same for you

I feel so empty inside
     That this could ever happen
No one close to me has died,
     But I think we should all listen
Listen to our hearts, hear the cries for peace
     Do for your son, your daughter, your nephew and your niece
I want to wake up tomorrow,
     And know that there is good
I think I will, I'll see the heroes
     Who're doing more than they should
They risk their lives, without a thought
     So that another one may live
Most of us take and take
     And all they do is give

I cry and cry and wonder why
     And how all this could be
I pray and pray so many times a day
     And still I cannot see
Why it takes a tragedy
     To bring such things to light
We should be grateful for every day
     For God's good grace and might
Love should always be first
     Hate should never be
Keep this in mind every second
     This is my only plea

Don't lash out, be better than that
     For that is what they did
Hold each other, pray together
     We have to show the kids
That no matter what, no matter how,
     No matter who or when
We have to love each other
     For we all carry some sin
In God's eyes, it's all the same,
     One's not worse than another
Don't forget, but do forgive,
     We're all sisters and brothers

I guess I'm going to leave you now
     But please do keep in mind
That I didn't know how much I could see
     Until they the day I went blind
Let this be a lesson to us,
     Let it the last such one be
To teach us to come together
     To love unconditionally
So long, be strong,
     Take care one and all
Don't judge or hold grudge
     And proudly stand tall
Show compassion, show love
     And appreciate our new lease
On life, thank God for it all
       And come together in peace.

-----------------------------------------
I wrote that not a week after the tragedy, a stream-of-consciousness deal.
-----------------------------------------

I was running late for class, not an unusual thing, especially since it was for a class I didn't particularly enjoy. I was riding my bike across campus when a classmate was riding towards me. We stopped, and I asked her why she was going the wrong way. She mentioned something about the World Trade Center (I didn't know what that was) and that class was cancelled. I turned around, happy not to have class, but curious as to what had happened. I got back to my dorm and went to the TV lounge. I asked a little about what was going on, then saw the replay on TV. My heart sank, I was speechless. How could anyone do something like that?!?! It was horrible enough watching the planes crash into the buildings, the WTC, the Pentagon, then hearing about Flight 93. Then they show people JUMPING OUT OF THE BUILDING, from hundreds of feet above the ground. What would I do in that situation? Would I jump? Would I try to wait out the fire? THE BUILDINGS COLLAPSED?!?! HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? WAKE UP, BRENT, THIS MUST BE A BAD DREAM! I wasn't sleeping.

 There was a mass on South Quad on campus. I'm not Catholic, but I needed that fellowship, some guidance, some answers. I needed to feel love to offset such a senseless act. After being told of Notre Dame people who died or had lost people, it hit me more. This affects ME. This isn't just cause for sadness for humanity, but sadness for people that have connections to ME. I don't remember the exact words that were said during mass, but I was comforted being around my friends and my Notre Dame family. My faith in people and good somewhat restored. Maybe this heinous cowardice could have some positive effect, bringing us together.

Classes were cancelled, but I still had to work at the Huddle Mart (on campus convenience store in a student union type setup). Across from the store was a TV in the Burger King seating area. Why did they keep replaying those horrible images? Why was everyone still watching? Why wouldn't anyone change the channel or just turn the TV off? How could anyone take seeing that anymore? I think I tried to change the channel, but was rebuked. As much as I couldn't take watching, I didn't want to argue or fight.

I'd ask everyone who walked by or came in the store, "Are you OK? And your family? Did you lose anyone?" Most people were fine, but still shaken by something so immensely tragic. And those who did lose someone or who couldn't get through to family at home, you could see it on their faces. My heart--what was left of it--went out to them.

The Dome is a landmark for incoming air traffic on their way to the South Bend airport, so there are lots of planes that fly over campus. My dorm was just a couple hundred feet from the Dome, so when planes flew over the Dome, they were close to me. Once it resumed, and for at least the next year, I got scared every time I saw or heard a plane fly overhead. Being roughly the same latitude as the Indianapolis airport at home, planes fly over my house often, which gave me chills for awhile, too. If I let myself think about it very long, it still bothers me when I see planes in the sky.

Now, 9 years later, I'm just as heartbroken as I was the day it happened. It makes no more sense to me now than it did then. And there's the aftermath, the backlash, the 2 wars that many of my friends have fought in and are still fighting in. Bin Laden still hasn't been captured (that's not a dig at those on the ground looking for him).

My condolences go out to everyone who lost a loved one, to everyone around the world who saw how evil man can be. My thanks goes to those who sacrificed to saved lives, whether it be in the WTC as it crumbled or Soldier, Sailors, Marines, and Airmen who fought to keep it from happening again.

I'll always remember, that Tuesday in September, no matter how much I'd sometimes like to forget.

GO IRISH! BEAT MICHIGAN!

Today was rather blah. I didn't feel great again. It was mostly wooziness plus some lingering weirdness from yesterday, and the headaches were worse (mainly just more frequent). I napped for a bit last night, then was up until 10AM or so. I thought I was too out of it to shower, but ended up being able to take one or else I'd have been in bed sooner. I'd planned on getting up at 4PM to take my meds, then see how I felt. I still wasn't up to being around and about, so figured I'd sleep until dinner. My parents just fixed themselves breakfast, so didn't call me to eat (which is fine--I don't expect them to cook for me, and I wouldn't have wanted what they made, anyway). I finally got up around 9PM.

I mostly just sat here messing around online, kinda sorta watching college football. The end of the West Virginia/Marshall game was crazy, with WVU coming back, down 15 with 10 minutes to go to tie the game, then winning in OT. They had two 90+ yard TD drives to even the score, which was nuts. After that, Houston/UTEP had a lot of big plays, but I didn't pay as much attention. I was mostly just going through the motions, waiting awhile so I could go back to bed.

After some food and medicine, I felt a little better, so I decided to try and cut my hair. I've been wanting to do that for a couple weeks, and I'm glad I was able to. I just finished, so I'll be hopping in the shower once I'm done posting this. Aside from not wanting to be so scruffy, cutting my hair sometimes helps with the headaches. I realize that even when it's long for me, I still don't have a lot of hair on my head, but there does seem to be relief when it's shorter. That's an added bonus.

ND vs. Michigan is in a few hours, 3:30PM EDT, NBC/nbcsports.com. I'm really not a fan of Michigan, so it'll be extra nice to beat them. I expect a good game, probably fairly high scoring. The key for us is containing their QB, keeping him in the pocket and not letting him run. I think we'll be alright, but it's always hard to predict games in this rivalry. As long as we stay disciplined, take care of the ball, and tackle well, we'll be fine. GO IRISH!

My dad's coming up from KY (outside of Louisville). I haven't seen him since he was in the hospital a couple years ago, though we've talked on the phone. He came up for my surgery last year, but I was already in the OR when he got there and he left before I woke up the next morning (oh, the family drama...but it didn't bother me too much, though it would have been nice to have seen him). We'll be at my cousin's house, I guess, but I'm not sure exactly what the itinerary entails other than watching the rest of the ND game, and possibly the Colts game on Sunday. I'll probably come back home and sleep here, then hook up with them again in the morning/afternoon.

Mom's been in some pain since her procedure, and it seems to be getting worse. It's looking like she's going to go back to the hospital this (Saturday) morning. She should be OK, but please keep the good vibes coming. Another reason I'd want to come home would be to check on her, and should she and my step-dad still be at the hospital, to take care of the pets. It'll just be easier to be on top of the situation.

GO IRISH!! MUCK FICHIGAN!
-B

Not bad, not great...

I didn't feel super great today, but it wasn't too bad. I saw my therapist, which was cool. I dig what he has to say, but some of his suggestions are hard to follow because I don't feel good (which he gets). I have some laundry going as I write this, so there was productivity. I'll chalk it up as a W that way...plus, I got out of the house.

Though feeling relatively OK, I do feel a rather off. It's different than the usual wooziness, though that's still there, plus I'm been more tired than I should be. It's a lot like being on some weird medicine, but I've not taken anything different. I don't know, maybe it's the weather changing or my recent activity catching up to me or if it's just one of those days...whatever it is, hopefully it goes away. Or maybe it's just because it's ND vs. Michigan this week ;).

I watched the Saints/Vikings game. While excited for football, it was a little hard to get into feeling as I did, plus I had no rooting interest. I don't play fantasy football, and it's probably best that I don't with my OCD tendencies. I don't like pulling for guys who don't play for my teams, and, more specifically, I don't like cheering for guys on teams that I dislike (Patriots, Jets, etc.). It's hard enough for me when ND guys are on their rosters. And, of course, there's all the time I'd spend analyzing statistics and all of that, which I'd rather not do. At any rate, the game was good, though you could tell it was the first of the season. Both teams will improve.

Since I watched football, I have the Bellator fights 'recorded' for later. I'll probably get to those shortly after I finish writing this. I'm not sure who's on the card tonight, but I'm always down to see some good combat action. Bellator has mostly up and comers, but hopefully a couple guys will stand out. It'll be hard to top last week's main event, though, which was a very exciting bout.

Hopefully this makes sense, it's hard for me to tell at the moment. Happy Friday and I hope to be more entertaining next time...
-B

Mom's good, so was today...

By yesterday's criteria, today was alright. Mom's procedure went well and she's doing fine, I didn't feel too horrible (though still not good), and I made it to the store. I'll take it.

I wish I would have slept better, as usual. Every time I got comfortable and started dreaming interesting dreams, the phone would ring or there'd be noise outside. I guess that'll just make me more tired when I go to bed here tonight...hopefully. It's been awhile since I've slept that hard, even if for short periods, taking me a second to realize that I was dreaming as I awaken to answer the phone. Again, I'll take it.

I hope to be productive again tomorrow. I have some calls I still need to make, though some I'm not looking forward to (student loan people, for one...yes, I'm still sick, still broke, and still can't pay you). I have the card situation to look into, my room to clean and organize, and a ton of other stuff. The NFL kicks off, and it should be a good game. I'll probably skip the pregame talk--I'm already sick of hearing about Brett Favre and how much the Saints have partied. Before that, I go see my therapist. It's been awhile. He's a good dude (being an ND fan doesn't hurt :D) and gives good advice. That reminds me, I need to write down what I want to talk about. I can't think of any super-pressing matters, but I'm still sick of being sick and stuck and all that, and the last few days have been extra crazy that way. I'm sure I'll think of something I want to talk about as soon as it's too late.

Indy folks: A friend of mine is a coach at Howe, and they just had a fire that destroyed a lot of athletic equipment, and they, like all IPS schools, didn't have it to spare. Insurance won't cover the losses. Howe hosts Tech this Friday night for football, so get on out there and donate a couple bucks if you have it to spare. My buddy's a good dude making a difference in these kids' lives, and any help would go to great use. Game time should be around 7PM.

I thought I had more to say, but whatever that might have been has left me for now. Thanks to all who sent my mom good vibes! It's much appreciated.

Happy Thursday (or whatever day you're reading this),
-B

Another blah day...

I didn't feel good today, either. I napped from 3AM to 6AM, getting up so I could shower. Once my parents were done with the bathroom, I got clean, but wasn't tired. Since I was up, I called my doc's office back, but the nurse I needed to talk to was busy. I started watch a movie, an indie zombie flick, Wasting Away, but it got stupid fast and I watched MacGruber, instead. It was alright, but I expected better. I'd watched The Other Guys before napping, and that was good. Now I see where a few Facebook statuses came from. I saw Robin Hood, too, which was OK. I get what they were trying to do, and it was done fairly well, but I was hoping for more.

I messed around online, chatted a bit, watched some TV, and paid a bill before finally going to bed a little after noon. I'd hoped to sleep well and be refreshed enough to get up for supper. That didn't happen. It took awhile to fall asleep, then I couldn't stay asleep, then the nurse finally called me back once I was asleep. She just wanted to know if I got my meds called into the pharmacy, which I had. I slept through dinner, got another call, lay back down for awhile longer, then finally got up just before 10PM. I heated up supper (spaghetti) and have mostly messed around online from then until now. I'm hoping to go to the store tomorrow, to I looked up some coupons and all that, but didn't find too many deals.

In a few hours, Mom goes back in to finish 'installing' the stint between her liver and bile duct. Other than not wanting to be in the hospital again, she seems OK going in. Hopefully they don't have any problems this time and that she's just a bit sore afterward is all. If it goes well, she'll be home in the afternoon. Please send good vibes her way :). I'm staying home. Sitting around in the hospital won't be the best thing for me the way I've been feeling, plus this is a relatively minor procedure. Too, I'll be here to call the rest of the family if need be, and to answer the phone if/when they call for updates. Hopefully my step-dad gives me those updates--he didn't last time. There wasn't much to say, but it would have been nice to know that she was done with the procedure.

I hope to get a little done tomorrow, too. My room still needs some organizing and cleaning, I have laundry, and I really want to cut my hair. I still need to catalogue my cards, and find a place that'll help me determine what they're worth. And there's other stuff to tend to, as well. I'll be happy if a) Mom's OK, b) I don't feel like crap, and c) I get to the store--highest priority on Mom, of course.

Happy Hump Day: don't catch anything you don't want ;)!
-B

Felt better, but not good...

I felt better today, but not good. I had a couple "zombie moments," one while IMing, which freaked my friend out a little. I didn't really do much...messed around online a little, watched the Boise St./Virginia Tech football game, and chatted some. It was a good game and Boise St. is for real.

Enh...C'est ma vie,
-B

Not a good day...

I felt worse today than I have in a long time. I feel a little better now, but I still feel horrible. Maybe the recent activity (not a lot for most, but more than I'm used to) I've had has caught up to me. Perhaps the changing weather is a factor (different pressure, etc.)...I don't know. I slept fairly well, and long enough, so I don't think that had much to do with it.

Family was to come over for a 6PM dinner, so my plan was to get up at 4PM, take my meds, then try to get caught up on my web browsing before my sibs and their kids arrived. I took my meds, but didn't feel good, so I lay back down with the intent on getting back up whenever someone arrived or when the food was ready. My mom hollered for me, I tried to get up, but couldn't, so I lay there for a bit longer. I realized that it wasn't going to work out for me.

After a few minutes, I gathered myself enough to get dressed so I could at least say, "Hi," to everyone and see my little ones for a sec. They're becoming less and less little every time I see them. I made a quick trip around the house, saying, "Hey," and giving/getting hugs. I made it back to the kitchen and had to sit down--immediately. I was pretty much done at that point. My body was limp, but stiff at the same time--it's hard to explain, but I had little control over it. It feels a lot like getting hit in the head (minus the headache), the body just shuts down. My head slowly made its way to the table, resting on my hands. I sat there with a blank stare at the table, semi-conscious, frustrated, sad that I'd miss time with my beloved little ones. I freaked my 8 year old niece out a bit. I couldn't really talk or move, and probably looked rather zombie-ish. I surely felt it. She got up and went into the other room. My mom and sister tried to talk to me, but it was pointless. I could mostly understand, but couldn't respond. They realized this and let me be.

I eventually got to where I could stand up, but it still took me a bit to be able to make it back up the stairs to my room. I stood there, leaning against the wall, waiting for the strength to make it. I eventually did, and went back to bed. It took a few minutes to get comfortable, to be able to breathe out of my nose. It was hot from the oven's heat rising from the kitchen below me. I had to get up to adjust the fans, which I was barely able to do. It was loud below, my family eating and talking, but I didn't mind so much this time, unlike others when it's unnecessarily boisterous and annoying. Today, it was just frustrating not being able to take part.

I got up around 10PM, my brother, sister, and her 3 kids still here, my other brother and his family gone. Those who were still here were on their way out, though, but I did manage another round of hugs. They left, I ate, then it was back up here to my room. I felt a little better, caught up on some web browsing, and I IMed a little. Then I got woozier, took a break, then came back to the computer.

I didn't really get anything done today. Right now, I really don't care. I am upset that I couldn't hang out with the fam, though. I don't get to see them as much as I'd like, and I'm tired of seeing the kids inches taller in-between visits. The worst part of my situation is how little I can do for and with them. They mostly know me as the kinda-sick uncle who lives with grandma and grandpa, who doesn't do too much, but goes to the Fever games. I guess that's accurate, though, if incomplete.

I recently wrote (was it last time? the time before?) how maybe I prefer days when I can do nothing over days when I can almost do stuff because of the lack of ambiguity when it gets to that point. I've been reminded that feeling like this has no positives, that the clarity isn't worth it. I wish my doctors, those involved in the SSI process, and friend and family who don't believe or aren't quite sure how sick I am could see me when I'm like this instead of when I'm seemingly functional--how I risk falling down the stairs to make it to the bathroom, how much a zombie and I have in common. There'd be much less confusion about how serious my condition is then. I say that not looking for sympathy, but just out of truth and accuracy. Yes, it IS that bad.

I'm really not sure how I've managed to write this much. I've felt worse with each sentence. I guess being a good typist works for me. Hopefully your day was better, and may tomorrow be great for us all!

-B

Notre Dame 23 Purdue 12

GO IRISH! I liked what I saw, for the most part. There were some first game hiccups, but we played hard and executed fairly well. I think Purdue will be much better as the season progresses, too. Seeing the game today, I'd be much more worried about catching them in mid-October. We need to take better care of the ball and tackle better, and we'll be alright. Bring on Michigan next week!

I was expecting there to be a lot more social media stuff going on during the game. It's probably better for me that there wasn't (back and forth between the PC and TV makes me woozy), but it was a little surprising/disappointing that more people weren't commenting. I was very much paying attention to the game, for the record, so no worries there, but I was kinda hoping for a little more back and forth, albeit electronically, during the action. Hopefully most of my ND peeps were in the Stadium and had their phones off :).

Machete is a badass flick! Even when something silly or obvious or cliché was happening, it was still money. Go check it out, you'll be glad you did. Hell, I wouldn't mind watching it again. It was nice hanging with my friend again, as always, and thanks to her for treating. Danny Trejo is a scary dude and was awesome in this movie.

Wow, I really thought I'd have more to say this time. I guess I'm just too tired. It was a good day. ND won, I got out of the house, and saw a great flick with good company. I'll take it. Family's supposed to be coming over tomorrow (later today...Sunday, anyway), and it'll be nice to see my little ones, especially, but also my siblings, should they not flake out.

...And our hearts forever, LOVE THEE NOTRE DAME!!!
-B

Enh...

I didn't feel great today, but I've felt worse. I didn't really get anything done that I wanted to, other than cleaning my window unit air conditioner filter. I guess that leaves me more to do later, so it'll take longer to get bored from lack of chores...lol...or something... Days like today are almost worse than when I'm completely out of it. I'm okay enough to kinda get around, sorta pay attention, but not good enough to do much that's very meaningful. I think I'm starting to feel up to doing something, then as soon as I try to stand up: nope, not meant to be. At least at the worst, there's no ambiguity. Of course, then I feel that much worse. Enh...

I'm really hoping I feel better tomorrow. I gotta root on my Irish, of course! I think it'll be a good game, but as long as we score at least one more point than Purdue, I'll take it, no matter how ugly it might look. It'll be interesting to see how the new schemes work out. I think we're talented enough to do it, so it's just a matter of buying into the system, trusting the coaches, and executing. From what I've heard, practice has gone well, so now it's just time to see how it translates to the game. GO IRISH!

After the game, the plan is to go see Machete with a friend. It looks like a good, bloody time. My Facebook and Twitter peeps seem to be confirming that so far. Even if it's horrible, I'm pretty sure that I won't be bored ;). Plus, it gets me out of the house, even if I am just sitting in another building.

Have a super Saturday! Domers at the game: Cheer extra for me! I'll be there in spirit and I'll be loud here!

GO IRISH! BEAT BOILERS!
-B

OK...

Today was alright. A friend came over to watch the (2nd half of the) Colts preseason game. It was nice to hang out, as always. She brought pizza, which is rarely, if ever, a bad move ;). After the game, we chit-chatted and watched TV for a bit, trying to get music from my PC to her iPhone without using iTunes (which doesn't work well on my computer for some reason). We couldn't get it to work, so we're trying something else.

I caught the Bellator fights on tape delay after she left. There were some OK fights, then there was the main event. OMG! Joe Soto lit up Joe Warren BAD in the first round. He hit him with whatever he wanted and Warren had no answer. It was EASILY a 10-8 round. Then Soto came out and got cute in round 2, got clipped, scrambled and got up, then a beautiful knee/left hook combo got him for good. He woke up asking, "What happened?" I thought Soto would win, and round 1 solidified that, but Warren's no joke. That was a very impressive win for Warren. The event was in Texas, which didn't do a good job when Strikeforce was there recently. The officiating/judging was just fine this time, which is good. Maybe they learned from their mistakes. Let's hope.

I got nothing going on Friday since the Fever lost. I'm hoping to get a few things done, though. I'd like to straighten up my room, do a little laundry, make a couple calls and all that. I'd like to go through my card collection to make a record of what I have, at least a decent overview. I still haven't looked up if there are any free guides to what they're worth, yet, but I need to know what's in the boxes, too. I'm sure there's something else that I'm forgetting. Hopefully I remember when it counts.

Then, Saturday, it's GAME DAY!!!! I can't wait. I was thinking about actively posting (FB/Twitter) during the game, and catching what others were saying, but that'll probably just make me dizzy with all the back and forth head/eye movement between my PC and the TV. And now that the TV timeouts are going to be shorter...lol...I probably won't be as active as I was considering. Social media has really changed the viewing experience, though. If I weren't so OCD about needing to see everything that's being posted (by those I follow, anyway), I think I'd enjoy it more instead of feeling this weird obligation. It's all good...I can stop whenever I want to :P.

Happy Friday, be good, have fun, GO IRISH!!!!
-B

The Fever lost :(

The good news of the day is that I caught up on some sleep. I don't feel very refreshed from it, but I guess it's better than not having slept. I'll take it. Also, my buddy stopped by to help me look at my sports cards. We still have no idea what they're worth, but at least he has a better idea of what I have. That goes for both of us, actually, since I hadn't looked at them in forever. The next step is determining their value (any help would be much appreciated!!!). I'll be looking around online to see if there's any free place (I've just been lazy about searching) that can help. If push comes to shove, I guess I can go to a card shop and see what's offered there.

The bad news is that the Fever lost, so our ("our," even in defeat) season is now over. It's disappointing, but I'm still proud of the gals. We were just too inconsistent and gave up too many rebounds. Not being able to hit a shot down the stretch didn't help, nor did some less-than-stellar officiating. If we hit a couple more shots and/or stop them a few more times, then the whistles wouldn't matter as much. Live and learn, watch out for us next year!

It'll be interesting what we do in the offseason. Especially after re-signing a bunch of players already recently, I doubt we'll make any major moves. The only can't-miss college prospect I can think of is Maya Moore from UConn (oh, how it hurts to type that), and unless we make a huge deal, we're not getting her. I'm not sure if (veteran Aussie PG) Tully Bevilaqua is coming back, but I think it's more likely that she gives it one more year. That's not a done deal, though. Whatever happens, I'll be there to cheer them on next summer!

So now it's Phoenix and Seattle out west, and Atlanta and New York in the east. I don't like NY or Phoenix, so I guess I'm rooting for Atlanta over Seattle in the Finals. Seattle's won before, plus a successful team in the ATL would be good. I do hope for good TV ratings the rest of the way, whoever wins. The WNBA needs support, the players deserve it (most of them, anyway), and the more popular the league is, the healthier it is, and the better it is for the Fever.

There's the Colts preseason game tomorrow. I hear that the starters won't play. I'll tune in, just because it's football. Hopefully those who do play represent themselves well as they fight for roster spots and playing time. Maybe a guy will stick out and make an impact. Because of a college football game, the Bellator fights will be tape-delayed on Fox Sports. I was under the impression that wouldn't happen anymore, but whatever. I'll just have to avoid the results for a few hours. I'm not sure who else is on the card, but the main event is interesting: Joe Soto (champ) vs. Joe Warren for the 145 pound title. Soto won Bellator's the first tournament for that weight class, and Warren the second one earn the title shot. I've heard good things about Soto, but haven't seen him fight, yet. He was a college roommate of Jon "Bones" Jones, and actually got him into MMA. Warren is a world class wrestler and a tough dude, so it'll be a good scrap.

And Notre Dame kicks off the season on Saturday against Purdue! I'm really excited for that! I like what I've seen and heard from Coach Kelly so far, and I think we have a decent team returning from last year. It'll be interesting to see how the adjustments to/by new coaching regime work out. I think Purdue will be a good test, too. I really wish I could be there to catch the game in person. I haven't been back to campus in so long.

Whoa, I just realized that it's been since the fall of 2002. I've been too sick and broke to make the boring trip up US 31 since. I've heard and read and seen pictures of how much the campus has changed with new buildings and everything. I can't believe it was 13 years ago that my parents dropped me off at my dorm, the great Sorin College (GO OTTERS!!!). Wow...was it really that long ago? I still miss sitting on the porch swings people watching, avoiding the sprinklers at night (even when it was already raining), watching the sunset while walking to the dining hall, the excitement of football Saturdays. I don't miss early classes, homework, not being able to do homework because my eyes hurt, those damn bells every 15 minutes from the Basilica (which is right next to Sorin for non-Domers), alumni barging into my room while I was getting dressed on football Saturdays showing their kids and grandkids where they lived as undergrads, parietals (opposite sex out of non-public dorm space after midnight on weekdays, 2AM weekends), or underclassmen who can't hold their liquor. I miss being around people, being around smart people, walking around the lakes, cheering at the games (and not just football for me), working the late shift at the Huddle Mart, having more of a future to look forward to. I don't miss getting hit in the nuts every time I did the push-ups after an ND score, but I do miss being in that situation ;).

Thanks to the Fever for a good summer, my only consistent out-of-the-house distraction! We'll get'em next year! And I'll do my best to hook more people into coming out and support you like you deserve! Now it's time for football season, so GO COLTS! And, more importantly, GO IRISH!!!!!!!!!!!

Proud Fever Fanatic, Colts fan (even when they sucked!), and ND Alum,
-B :)

Had a productive day...

It was kinda crazy with the lack of sleep and last minute scheduling, but the day was productive. I saw both lawyers, didn't have to take the bus, and caught up on some sleep. The SSI appointment answered the couple of questions I had. The whole process is still ridiculous, but there's no way around that, apparently. The malpractice appointment went well. I've been advised not to talk about it, though, so I won't, other than to say that it's nice to feel validated that I was wronged.

The Fever play tonight at NY, 7:30PM EDT, NBA TV (or online, WNBA Live Access). The series is tied, winner advances, loser goes home. Since Atlanta beat Washington, the winner also has home court in the next round, starting Friday night. Seattle and Phoenix go at it out west. I like our chances against anyone as long as we play our game, rebound, and hit shots. The last game against NY got rather chippy with all of the physical play, and I hope that keeps the fire burning to really jump on them again. GO FEVER!!!
http://www.feverbasketball.com/

I'm tired and woozy, so it's short and sweet this time. Have a great day :)!
-B

Mom's OK

Today was mostly about Mom. She had a liver transplant in March, and like many who go through that, she needed a little tweaking. They wanted to put in a stint between her liver and bile duct to get better flow through there. It was an endoscopic procedure, going in through her mouth and working their way down. Everything was fine until they got into her pancreas. Apparently the route they took got a little too bloody, and they couldn't see with the camera, so instead of trying to force their way through and risk her bleeding more, they cut their losses. They left the stint in her pancreas (I guess that's OK), and they'll go in next week to finish the job. Mom wasn't too much worse for the wear afterward--the bleeding wasn't bad--just a bit sore and tired and hungry, but mostly unhappy that she'll have to do it all over again.

I dilly-dallied at home for most of the day. I crashed after the game Sunday, then got up at 4AM or so to take my meds and ended up staying up. My original plan was to see Mom off in the morning, take a shower, then go back to bed, keeping the phone close so I could answer. Too, I'd get up to let the dogs out as needed. I ended up messing around online and watching TV, and didn't go to bed until after noon. I didn't sleep well, either, worrying about Mom and just not being able to get comfortable. My back's bugging me again, which doesn't help.

I wanted my step-dad to call me to let me know when she was back to the recovery room so I would know that things went alright (or not). That didn't happen. Then they didn't let me know when they got home. They were unusually quiet and I didn't hear the dogs whining, either. I got up to take my medicine and to let the dogs out when I saw my mom. I got a quick overview of what went on from her, but few details because she was out of it when they explained it and still not quite with it when she was talking to me. Relieved, I went back to bed and slept a couple hours more.

Once I was up, I did my usual not much...more messing around online, chatting a bit, and just sitting here. I'd made tentative plans to see my lawyers on Tuesday, pending Mom's condition, but since they didn't tell me she was home in time, I have to wait until the morning (a couple of hours from now as I write this) to finalize those plans. It might be a rough day depending on when they can squeeze me in. I should have gone to bed awhile ago, but just didn't. I should have started getting my stuff together sooner, too, but, again, just didn't. Hopefully I'll get at least a couple hours sleep, and if I meet them in the afternoon, I should get a few more (assuming I actually sleep).

I'm shooting for 2 appointments--one with my SSI lawyer to get some of that figured out, and the other with medical malpractice folks to see about my options against those who missed the tumor on an MRI in 2003. The SSI appointment should go fairly easily. I already know what I want to get out of it. The malpractice consultation will be a little trickier because I'm not sure what questions they'll have for me. They've not decided to take my case yet, still seeing if they think it'll be worth it. And I'm not sure whether or not I want to proceed. I'm not a litigious person, and I'm not sure how differently things would have gone had they actually looked at the scans (see below--notice a big lump on one side, but not the other?), but knowing sooner could only have helped. Plus, I wouldn't have had to deal with everyone who said I was faking (and all who thought so are still assholes).

December 29, 2003...You have the benefit of a red circle. A trained eye shouldn't have needed it.

 

We'll see, I guess. I just keep my fingers crossed that I'm coherent and don't feel too horrible. It'll be a lot easier for me if my step-dad can drive. I'd rather not take the bus, but it's my only other option. The bus isn't too bad, but it's going to be hot again, plus I don't really have the money to spare. It'll add at least an hour to my commute, too, which isn't ideal.

I'll keep you posted. I don't expect anything earth-shattering today, but getting a step or two closer to getting things together (or just having a better feel for the situation, anyway) will be worthwhile progress. Plus, it'll be nice to get out of the house.

Take care, have a great day, and thanks for all of the well wishes for my mom :)!
-B

FEVER WIN!

The Fever won in a very physical game. I'd have gotten into a few fights had I been playing, but the gals kept their composure. Now it's back to NYC on Wednesday, do or die for both teams.
http://www.wnba.com/fever

I didn't feel good at all. My stomach's bugging me, plus I was extra woozy. I didn't sleep well again. Had it not been a playoff game, I would have stayed home. The game atmosphere helped me to feel better. Adrenaline does wonders. We played pretty well, for the most part, too, which was a plus. Bad officiating (again, ugh) didn't. I'll take the W anyway it comes, though. And, as always, it was good to get out of the house. Having good company (brought a friend along with my brother, plus the usual Fever friends) was nice, too :).

I crashed shortly after getting home. I'd planned on crashing a little earlier than I did, but I decided to do a little PC maintenance beforehand, and, of course, instead of taking 20 minutes, it took 90 (before I gave up). It kills me how much trouble it is for me to try to do good things for my computer. I really can't wait to get a new one.

Mom just left a bit ago to have a procedure done. She should be home this afternoon/evening. It's a common, not-too-serious thing for liver transplant recipients. They've discussed doing it before, and I'm not sure why they didn't, especially while they kept her admitted for a week not long ago. Please send positive vibes to her. :)

 -B

UFC 118

The other day, I slept through a wall demolition, yet, last night (for me, anyway), I couldn't sleep much at all. There was a lot of noise from talking, cooking, and door slamming (SOOOOOO unnecessary, as I've OFTEN shown them), etc., plus it just didn't seem meant to be. I'm a bit surprised that I'm still up considering. I wasn't quite as woozy, though, which was nice, though I didn't feel great (not sleeping didn't help). Having the fights to look forward to did make me feel a bit better, as did going back to once a day on that medicine, I'm thinking.

Downtown was crazy with all of the motorcycle stuff going on, and many streets were blocked. We looked around for 30 minutes for somewhere to park before settling on the mall parking garage. The whole area was packed, but Buffalo Wings and Rings had quite a few tables open when we got there. It took a minute to get Spike TV in our booth, but it got switched in plenty of time to see the fights. A nice surprise, my buddy and his girl ended up joining us as their previous plans fell through. I'm glad they found us. She recognized my visor through the window, which I find funny ;).

The fights weren't terribly exciting, overall, but I'll never complain too much about that. Those guys (and sometimes gals, though no women in the UFC) risk their health and potentially more, and they all could kick my ass (well, most of them, anyway :D). I didn't do great on my picks this time. Most of my guys had off nights, partially due to the success of their opponents, for sure. I'm not too bummed about any of the results as those who deserved to win (based on their respective performances) won.

It was cool to get out of the house again, as it always is. This will be 2 weekends in a row that I got out both days. The Fever are tomorrow (well, technically, later today...Sunday, anyway). Game time is 8PM, come cheer on the ladies! It's do or die, win or go home: http://www.feverbasketball.com/ for ticket info.

Be good, be cool, and may the world be good and cool to you.
-B :)

Almost fell out of my chair...

I've felt pretty crappy today. It's a little surprising considering how well I slept. They tore down a wall downstairs and I was none the wiser until I got up. I originally awoke at 4PM, just to take my medicine, but I ended up staying up after I sat down and started checking email, Facebook, and Twitter. Once I was up, I went ahead and browsed the rest of my usual websites (sports, entertainment, tech stuff, etc.) and chatted a bit. I'd finished my routine and was messing around on IM when it happened. I had just started to reply to my friend when I started drifting uncontrollably to my right. I somehow finished my response--my fingers going on autopilot--and I'm really not sure how I didn't completely fall over. I dozed off for a split second.

This has happened before. I fall down now and then, my legs (along with the rest of my body) going limp like I got hit on the chin, but usually recovering shortly after hitting the floor. I've caught myself a lot, too, grabbing onto chairs, tables, counter tops, and walls before I completely lost my way. Luckily, I've never hurt myself nor have I ever completely gone unconscious, but I've closed my eyes for a second or two and had no control over my body several times.

I think it may have to do with the new headache medicine on this occasion. It makes me feel weird. I'm supposed to take it twice a day, but I'd only been taking it once because of the stomach issues. I think I solved those problems by drinking more water with it, so, last night, I went ahead and took the second dose. Perhaps that's why I slept so soundly (and dreamed such weird dreams, too...that my brother and I were little, and somehow were on Mars where they'd terraformed a colony and all kinds of other weirdness). The falling over incident happened almost 12 hours after taking the medicine, though, and 9 of those hours I was in bed. I'm thinking I might be better off just dealing with the headaches with some Tylenol.

Today was weird. There wasn't really any warning that it was coming on. I'm usually more lightheaded than dizzy, though I feel elements of both and am fairly used to them, but when I start feeling worse, I tend to get dizzier. Today felt more like anesthesia was kicking in, but I wasn't counting backwards from 100. It was rather scary. After I collected myself, I went back to bed for a couple of hours. I mainly got up just so I wouldn't sleep until midnight and completely mess up my sleep schedule, especially since I have plans for Saturday...

On a better note, I found someone to catch the UFC with Saturday night. Hopefully I don't pass out...my original intent with that was to be funny, but now that I think about it a little, it's a legitimate concern...argh... As long as I'm conscious, it'll be a good time. I'm looking forward to the fights, plus getting out of the house with a friend is always good. We'll be at Buffalo Wings and Rings downtown, next to Steak 'n Shake on Maryland St., if you want to hang out. I guess we'll be there if you don't want to hang out, too, but then that info means less ;).

It's so frustrating having so little say in what I can and can't do. I'm very tired of having so many limitations. It's been about half my life, now, that I've had to accommodate my eyes, and the last 7 years of being constantly woozy. It's hard enough navigating through life being poor and broke and shy and self-conscious about being poor and broke and shy. I'm not so shy now, and less self-conscious, but I'm still held back. At least before, it was more on me and I just had to change my thinking and dive in. Now I'm often too sick to make it to the pool, and even when I'm able to get there, I still have to worry about it kicking in and drowning. *SIGH*

Here's hoping for a better tomorrow for us all :)!

-B

P.S.
Don't forget the Fever on Sunday night, 8PM tipoff, at Conseco Fieldhouse! Let's pack the joint and cheer the ladies onto victory and a tie in the series! http://www.wnba.com/fever

Blah

Today was so-so. The Fever lost at New York. It was close, then they pulled away at the end when we played horribly and they played well. It's a must win for the gals on Sunday night, then (for tickets, go to http://www.feverbasketball.com/ !!!!!). The Colts got shellacked by the Packers, though the starting offense looked good. The D still needs to tackle better, though Bob Sanders was lighting dudes up. Painter looked decent, so hopefully people will cut him a little slack now. A few guys got hurt, hopefully not too badly.

It was nice to have had both the Fever and the Colts to watch tonight. Taking in the games and having a rooting interest in them helped to break up the monotony of just sitting here. I caught the Fever game online on my PC and the Colts on TV. Looking back and forth between the two is probably why I'm so woozy now...blah. I have some Bellator fights to watch later, too. I don't think I'm very familiar with any of the fighters on the card, but a good scrap is a good scrap, and hopefully there are some exciting bouts on there.

Unless some other people get back to me, it's looking like I won't be able to catch the UFC live on Saturday. My buddy who usually goes with me had his plans change, and no one else has responded either way. I sent out a few messages on Facebook, but, of course, no one's replied to any of those...again. If you can't or don't want to go, that's cool, but letting me know for sure and not just expecting me to assume so would be nice and much appreciated. It's going to be extra hard to stay away from the results while I wait to find an alternative way to watch, too. Oh well. If you'd like to go with me to watch the fights, PLEASE let me know ASAP, thanks.

Well, there's today's edition. All the best to you and yours :).

-B

Made some calls...

Today was OK, I suppose. I got some stuff done, mainly calling in for med refills and worked on getting a couple of appointments together (more on that another time, but nothing to worry about). It's better than having not been productive at all, but it doesn't feel like the 'win' that it should. Enh.

Last night/this morning was kinda weird ("was" instead of "were" as I'm lumping them together as one). I wasn't terribly tired, but mainly just didn't want to go to bed, so I ended up staying up until noon or so. Part of it was that I waited too long to shower, so I had to put it on hold until after my parents were out of the bathroom. I was too woozy to bathe the night before, so I was more intent on cleaning up this morning. And it's not that I was terribly dirty, either, but I enjoy showering and don't like having any unnecessary funk on me, especially before going to bed. I really don't like going to bed dirty. Then, since I knew I'd be up, I figured I may as well make those calls.

I'm surprised I'm not more tired considering I didn't sleep much or very well. I mostly left messages when I called in the morning, and they kept calling me back. It's rare that I get such timely replies, and while I appreciate the quick responses, I wouldn't have minded them answering tomorrow after having let me sleep today. But it all worked out. I got most of the stuff squared away, and I'm not too much worse for the wear.

I'm really starting to enjoy this blogging stuff. At first--and I know I'm still just getting started, but--I had to make myself take the time to do it. It was a little more of a chore. I still have to fight through how I'm feeling, but it's becoming more a matter of simply reminding myself to write instead of forcing myself to get it done. Looking at the tracking statistics from Google Analytics (which I set up because I knew you lazy buggers wouldn't comment all the time :D), it was encouraging to see that people were checking this out more and more each day. Then I saw how the numbers were a bit skewed because they also incorporated my views, including my previews of in-progess blogs, which wasn't immediately clear. Even without my page hits, it seems to be catching on a little. I would definitely like to see it become more popular, though.

I do realize that a lot of what I write about isn't all that interesting (believe me, I know--I'm living it) and that everyone is busy with this and that. I do hope to talk more about specific topics more often, like MMA yesterday...maybe about some current events, poems or songs, perhaps some technical stuff...whatever. Your suggestions (again, not stupid ones, though...lol...I know it's silly, but it cracks me up every time I do that :P) would really help with and would be greatly appreciated. I want this to be interactive and not just me talking about how boring my day was. Ask me questions--I can't think of anything I won't answer...or am I that uninteresting? I'm sure my situation makes me seem less compelling, but there's a lot to me that people don't realize, and I am much more than my circumstances allow me to actively show on a regular basis.

Once again, please let me know that you've read this in whatever manner you find easiest, and doing so anonymously is A-OK. Feedback/suggestions/commentary are encouraged, too. Thanks for reading, thanks to those who do respond, and have an awesome day :)!

-B

P.S.
It's looking like the UFC PPV watch is on for Saturday, let me know if you're interested. It'll be a good time.

MMA

There is a UFC card this Saturday night, 9PM for the prelims on Spike TV, then 10PM to 1AM for the Pay Per View. The best place I've seen them, and where I'd like to go again (though I'm cool with wherever) is Buffalo Wings and Rings, downtown, next to Steak 'n Shake (111W. Maryland St.). There are TVs everywhere and you can hear pretty well, too. I can't go alone, but if people can meet me, I'll be there by 8:30PM.

MMA is now my 2nd favorite sport behind football (basketball is now 3rd). Much to my surprise, it's a fairly close 2nd, too. It's pretty amazing because I LOVE football. Football and MMA overlap in many areas with the physicality and brutality and violence, but also with the need for game planning and precision. While I am a fan of the (controlled) violence of MMA (and football, too), I admire more the technique and skill and strategy. I can't stand when people start to boo when fighters are on the ground or aren't engaging "enough" on the feet. 99.99999% of the people booing would have NO CHANCE at all of doing any significant damage to a trained, professional fighter who is literally risking his health and life, in part, to entertain the crowd.

A submission is just as beautiful and dangerous as a standing knockout. The intricacies of the positions and the setups to get to a hold are fascinating. Submissions are more impressive to me because they're harder to do. If anyone gets hit hard enough on the chin, he will go to sleep. But to put someone in a position where he is forced to tap out and quit rather than lose consciousness from a choke or break a limb/ligament/tendon from a joint lock--to make someone say, "I quit," or better put, "I QUIT! LET ME GO!"--is more poignant than a hitting someone in the head (or sometimes the body) for a knockout. That's not to say that I don't appreciate good striking, either. Joe Rogan, hilarious comedian and UFC color commentator, described (UFC Middleweight Champion) Anderson Silva's fighting style as a "ballet of violence" and I couldn't agree more. A good brawl is fun to watch now and then, but someone with such superior skills, on the feet or on the ground, can just be mesmerizing.

The best way I know how to describe MMA is to think of what pro wrestling would be if it were real, but with practical (mostly) rules. I'm not a big fan of Wikipedia, but their article on MMA is pretty good. Check it out for the history and evolution of the sport: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mixed_martial_arts. Here are the rules in North America: http://www.abcboxing.com/unified_mma_rules.html. The rules are different in Japan and in other places around the world, though. For instance, you can kick and knee a grounded opponent in the head there in some promotions. And some North American leagues limit the rules by disallowing elbows to the head on the ground.

Like a lot of people, for a long time I thought that MMA and the UFC were just glorified Tough Man contests and I had no interest in them. Then I stumbled upon the UFC reality show, The Ultimate Fighter. I used to watch WWE pro wrestling, and the first season of TUF aired right after WWE's Monday Night Raw. I just happened not to change the channel after wrestling. TUF is basically a tournament of up and coming fighters, divided into 2 teams coached by established fighters. The up-and-comers are all sequestered in a house in Las Vegas with no access to the outside world for 6 weeks. They train and go back to the house (and usually drink and get on each others' nerves). The show leads up to a pay per view headlined by the 2 coaches squaring off. Watching TUF showed me that the fighters were real athletes with real skill who trained very hard. They weren't just thugs and rednecks who liked to fight, but usually educated guys who loved competition. You still have your occasional thug fighter, but he'd better have skills or he'll be a knocked out/choked out/tapped out thug who isn't as tough as he thought.

The UFC is the biggest and best MMA promotion around. In the U.S., you also have Strikeforce and Bellator as major companies, plus hundreds of smaller, local shows. I include the WEC with the UFC since they're both owned by the same people. The WEC just has lighter weight classes as the only main difference between it and the UFC. Japan has 2 major promotions, Dream and Sengoku, but they're still behind the UFC. I enjoy fights from any promotion--a good fight is a good fight--but the UFC has most of the best fighters and I think they put on the best show. They're also the most accessible to me.

MMA is still evolving. It used to be that a wrestler or a jiu jitsu guy or a kickboxer would learn just enough of the other disciplines to defend them, but stuck with the style that made them world class athletes. Now, everyone has to train everything. You may have started out as a wrestler or a striker or a submission guy (or gal), but if you're not well-rounded, you're not going to fare well against high level competition. Now you see wrestlers and submission specialists knocking people out and strikers tapping out their opponents. You have to be able to capitalize on any weakness, any opening, no matter your background, and it's happening more and more. There are kids now growing up studying MMA and not just wrestling or jiu jitsu or taekwondo or karate. A few young fighters out there now started that way. I can't wait to see how skilled the next generation of fighters will be, especially when you see more athletes turning to MMA instead of more traditional stick and ball sports.

As the combatants' skills continue to advance, it becomes more and more important for the sport to progress with them. Fighter safety is the most important issue in MMA. There need to be more competent referees. Too often a fighter takes excessive damage. Too often a fighter loses dominant position because the ref didn't understand what was going on. Too many mistakes are being made by someone who is directly responsible for the safety of the fighters. There are problems with judging, as well. Not enough judges know exactly what they are watching and don't credit fighters for effectively using techniques that they don't recognize. Scoring a close round one way or the other is understandable, but not scoring the fight right because you didn't know how dangerous a submission hold was is unforgivable. Most fighters get paid a certain amount just for fighting, their "show money," and then a win bonus. Judges are taking money out of fighters' pockets.

I'm a huge fan despite the issues I have with MMA. You have the incompetent officiating and judging. I don't like all of the rules--I think you should be able to knee a grounded opponent in the head, and maybe kick him, too, and elbows should always be allowed, among other things. Most promotions won't work with each other and co-promote, so there are some very interesting fights that we may never see. I'd like there to be more MMA on free TV. All main event fights should be 5 rounds, even if a title isn't involved. Even with my objections, MMA is still one of the purest forms of competition. Track and field and swimming are pure, as well--running/swimming faster, jumping higher/farther, throwing something farther--but MMA has the element of direct contact and physicality, too. It can answer the question: Who's tougher?

Another part of MMA that I love is the respect that the fighters have for each other. They can talk all the trash they want leading up to a fight, but once it's over, they usually hug each other (or at least shake hands) and thank their opponent for the experience. I've not been in many fights in my life, but I've hit and been hit a few times, and there's something about the bond that comes out of that. While it's certainly different in many respects on the street than it is in competition, there's still this link with another person that you can only get by fighting him. To see 2 highly skilled, well trained athletes try to hurt each other for 15 or 25 minutes, risking their own safety in the process, embrace and smile afterward is amazing and enlightening. It's sport, it's competition, it's pure.

If/when I get to feeling better and am physically able, I'd like to fight once. I want to test myself. Of course I'd have to train first, and I have a lot to learn. I know that recognizing what pro fighters are doing and being able to do it myself are not the same thing, but I was a good athlete and I'm as tough as they come. No man could put me through worse than I've already dealt with. I'd love to see how I stack up, how well I could compete.

I get that MMA isn't for everyone, too. I can see how it would be hard for some people to watch people hurt each other, even in the context of sport. That's all fine. What I don't like is people who bash it without knowing what it is, what is involved, and without having seen it done well. If you don't like violence or physicality, don't watch football, either. I've played football, and it is indeed violent.I have the scars to prove it. The injury rate for football players is 100%, and that's not rounding up. If MMA isn't your thing, that's cool. I'm not into bungee jumping, but I have no beef with those who are. I'll just choose to stay away from bungee jumping ;).

Thanks for reading, especially if you're not an MMA fan. Hopefully this little blurb gets you closer to at least respecting the sport that I'm loving more and more. Comments and feedback are, as always, welcomed and encouraged. Acknowledgement that you read this is very much appreciated, too. Take care, and COME WATCH THE FIGHTS WITH ME THIS WEEKEND! :)

-B

Back on that medicine...:/

Today = enh. As I mentioned last time, I napped from 1-7AM....then was back in bed between 1PM and 8PM. The alarm was snoozed more than a handful of times. I don't really remember what I did between the nap and getting back up besides watching a little TV (True Blood and....something else) and messing around online. Oh, I did shower and IM a bit, but not at the same time, of course ;). After I got back up, I just did more web surfing and TV, plus heated up some food. Today was not very productive.

My doc's nurse called me back about that medicine. Apparently it's the only one that'll help with my kind of headaches, which is a little hard to believe since I took something different in past that worked. Whatever. I'll just make sure to eat more with it, and I probably won't take it twice a day like I'm supposed to. I'd rather my head hurt than have the stomach (and lower) issues. Too, it makes me a bit extra dizzy and tired, and I'm not digging that at all, either. Oh well, what's one more thing...?

I was really hoping to get into something deeper this time, or talk about something more deeply, anyway. But, of course, I'm not in the best state, physically or mentally, to do that. I'm not sure I'd express myself very well, and if I can't say what I mean, then I probably shouldn't say anything. I get misunderstood enough when I'm of (relatively) sound mind.

That's it for this time, I guess. I do hope to have something more interesting tomorrow. As always, suggestions are welcome, as long as they're not stupid :P. Feedback and acknowledgement are much appreciated, too. Thanks for reading and a special thanks to everyone who's commented so far :)!

-B