Remembering...

Words Can't Describe

written 9-17-01

And words cannot describe the way I feel
     I think to myself, "This can't be real"
And yet I wake up every day
     And it wasn't just a dream
Things are worse than they seem,
     But better, too, if you look
People from all over have come together
     In the names of the lives that they took

And tomorrow will come
     And the next day, too
We must be strong, we must go on
     And do the things we do
We must all respect and love
     And learn from this mess
We have to take all that we can from this,
     We must pass this test
We mustn't do what's been done
     We have to be better, we must be strong
It has to come to a close, we must end it all now
     War's no good, peace is needed
Find a way somehow
     To love everyone, despite what they do
Show compassion for your enemies
     Even if they don't do the same for you

I feel so empty inside
     That this could ever happen
No one close to me has died,
     But I think we should all listen
Listen to our hearts, hear the cries for peace
     Do for your son, your daughter, your nephew and your niece
I want to wake up tomorrow,
     And know that there is good
I think I will, I'll see the heroes
     Who're doing more than they should
They risk their lives, without a thought
     So that another one may live
Most of us take and take
     And all they do is give

I cry and cry and wonder why
     And how all this could be
I pray and pray so many times a day
     And still I cannot see
Why it takes a tragedy
     To bring such things to light
We should be grateful for every day
     For God's good grace and might
Love should always be first
     Hate should never be
Keep this in mind every second
     This is my only plea

Don't lash out, be better than that
     For that is what they did
Hold each other, pray together
     We have to show the kids
That no matter what, no matter how,
     No matter who or when
We have to love each other
     For we all carry some sin
In God's eyes, it's all the same,
     One's not worse than another
Don't forget, but do forgive,
     We're all sisters and brothers

I guess I'm going to leave you now
     But please do keep in mind
That I didn't know how much I could see
     Until they the day I went blind
Let this be a lesson to us,
     Let it the last such one be
To teach us to come together
     To love unconditionally
So long, be strong,
     Take care one and all
Don't judge or hold grudge
     And proudly stand tall
Show compassion, show love
     And appreciate our new lease
On life, thank God for it all
       And come together in peace.

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I wrote that not a week after the tragedy, a stream-of-consciousness deal.
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I was running late for class, not an unusual thing, especially since it was for a class I didn't particularly enjoy. I was riding my bike across campus when a classmate was riding towards me. We stopped, and I asked her why she was going the wrong way. She mentioned something about the World Trade Center (I didn't know what that was) and that class was cancelled. I turned around, happy not to have class, but curious as to what had happened. I got back to my dorm and went to the TV lounge. I asked a little about what was going on, then saw the replay on TV. My heart sank, I was speechless. How could anyone do something like that?!?! It was horrible enough watching the planes crash into the buildings, the WTC, the Pentagon, then hearing about Flight 93. Then they show people JUMPING OUT OF THE BUILDING, from hundreds of feet above the ground. What would I do in that situation? Would I jump? Would I try to wait out the fire? THE BUILDINGS COLLAPSED?!?! HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? WAKE UP, BRENT, THIS MUST BE A BAD DREAM! I wasn't sleeping.

 There was a mass on South Quad on campus. I'm not Catholic, but I needed that fellowship, some guidance, some answers. I needed to feel love to offset such a senseless act. After being told of Notre Dame people who died or had lost people, it hit me more. This affects ME. This isn't just cause for sadness for humanity, but sadness for people that have connections to ME. I don't remember the exact words that were said during mass, but I was comforted being around my friends and my Notre Dame family. My faith in people and good somewhat restored. Maybe this heinous cowardice could have some positive effect, bringing us together.

Classes were cancelled, but I still had to work at the Huddle Mart (on campus convenience store in a student union type setup). Across from the store was a TV in the Burger King seating area. Why did they keep replaying those horrible images? Why was everyone still watching? Why wouldn't anyone change the channel or just turn the TV off? How could anyone take seeing that anymore? I think I tried to change the channel, but was rebuked. As much as I couldn't take watching, I didn't want to argue or fight.

I'd ask everyone who walked by or came in the store, "Are you OK? And your family? Did you lose anyone?" Most people were fine, but still shaken by something so immensely tragic. And those who did lose someone or who couldn't get through to family at home, you could see it on their faces. My heart--what was left of it--went out to them.

The Dome is a landmark for incoming air traffic on their way to the South Bend airport, so there are lots of planes that fly over campus. My dorm was just a couple hundred feet from the Dome, so when planes flew over the Dome, they were close to me. Once it resumed, and for at least the next year, I got scared every time I saw or heard a plane fly overhead. Being roughly the same latitude as the Indianapolis airport at home, planes fly over my house often, which gave me chills for awhile, too. If I let myself think about it very long, it still bothers me when I see planes in the sky.

Now, 9 years later, I'm just as heartbroken as I was the day it happened. It makes no more sense to me now than it did then. And there's the aftermath, the backlash, the 2 wars that many of my friends have fought in and are still fighting in. Bin Laden still hasn't been captured (that's not a dig at those on the ground looking for him).

My condolences go out to everyone who lost a loved one, to everyone around the world who saw how evil man can be. My thanks goes to those who sacrificed to saved lives, whether it be in the WTC as it crumbled or Soldier, Sailors, Marines, and Airmen who fought to keep it from happening again.

I'll always remember, that Tuesday in September, no matter how much I'd sometimes like to forget.